Who cares if the ADHD is what makes them act like jerks???

I keep reading posts where the both non-ADD and ADD spouses alike say "it's not the person, it's the ADD".  Who cares?  Why is ADD an excuse for my husband to fight with me over everything, make the most ordinary everyday things a battle that turns into a major altercation?  I'm sick and tired of everything being my fault!  I'm tired of the person who is supposed to love me talking to me like I'm a piece of crap and treating any random person way better than me.  I'm sick of him blurting out rude and inappropriate things in social settings.  I'm tired of him telling everyone things I asked him not to tell, but God help me if I tell anybody our "business", because he will freak out and let me know what a horrible wife I am.  I am done. 

like living with a ticking time bomb and you never know when it's going to explode.  I deserve better.  NO ONE deserves to live like this.  I can't trust my own husband.  I can't trust him with my feelings and I sure as heck can't trust him to do anything he ever says he will.  I don't care if he has ADD.  That's not an excuse.  I hate the "poor me" attitude.  He always blames everything on someone else.  It's because his parents weren't there for him, it's because he was always in trouble as a kid, it's because his home life was unstable.   Boo hoo.  My mom has been sick and going downhill since I was 9 years old.  She could no longer walk by the time I was 14, when I was 19 she went into a nursing home, and now I'm 32 and she's on hospice.  You don't hear me crying that I get to be a complete jerk and bury my head in the sand because I had it rough growing up.  ADD is NOT an excuse to be mean.  It's not an excuse to treat your loved ones like crap.  It's not an excuse to scream at your 2 year old and her to run to me crying "daddy's mean".  

If you had cancer, you'd get chemo or whatever else to treat it.  But because you have ADD, you refuse to admit you are ever the problem, it's everyone and everything else causing your bad attitude.  I am sick of it.  I want to know what life is like with someone who values me, puts me first, treats me the way I deserve to be treated.  For years I have worked to be the perfect spouse and the better I get, nicer I am, the meaner he seems to be.

I'm sorry, but I am so incredibly angry and fed up.  I refuse to live the rest of my life like this.  And from everything I've read, even if he gets treatment, he'll still have a lot of these traits.