Why do I do this?

I get so frustrated with myself for apologizing all the time when my ADD husband and I get into conflict.  He always tells me why I am wrong to feel what I feel or react how I react.  I honestly wish I was just a robot and then maybe there would be peace in this household.  If only I didn't have feelings, expectations, frustrations and heaven forbid negative reactions to anyone else's behavior that lives under my roof.  I'm not allowed to express any of this  or I am "unloading" on him.  It takes about 500 positive interactions to make up for any negative interaction with him.  So, that means that I am basically doomed.  Not to mention that he twists things I say when we try to have a conversation and I end up feeling insane most of the time.  It is so incredibly tiring.