Why Keep Trying

After yet another long winded discussion with my ADHD husband this morning in regards to the break down in communication which leads to divorce/separation talks I wonder what's the point? Why are all the non AD spouses working so hard to make sense of the commitment to stay, in what is mostly a dissatisfying, frustrating, hurtful relationships? I have been married 23 years to a man who has for the most part made my emotional life unhealthy. I feel at this point I have become physically ill because of the years of trying to constantly adjust who I am to better cater to his inability to function as an emotionally balanced adult. I have carried the lions share of responsibility of raising three children, running our three business ( making us fairly wealthy) and spending hours and hours of my time trying unsuccessfully to explain how the  counterproductive communication, no reflection on behavior and/or inappropriate responses are socially and irrationally  caustic. I get the same answers ,,,,your just an angry person and its you not me. Typical ADHD answer I know...but not good enough. I asked him why am I an angry person and if you truly love your wife as you say why would you not be concerned that she is angry often rather than cast it up belligerently like its coup de grace? What if instead, you had actual concern and love for your wife and sit her down to work out solutions that foster wellness and happiness in the unit. His answer?, I just don't think that way. Nice,,,very nice and where does that leave me . Again with the ball in my court, deal with it or leave. Well, I ask why stay? If your spouse will not use self reflection and at least 25% of the empathy of  understanding of which is asked of you, why even try? At his point I feel by staying I am assuming his victim role. I see no other choice as 25 years of struggling to make sense of what is not sensible ,,makes no sense. Shame on me for trying for so long. If your young with our life ahead of you head my words, think on it deeply, initial pain is difficult but years of chipping away at your soul is a life lost.