Recently, our teenage son said he knew my wife hid his portable game system in her locked drawer and he could not get to it. Last night, she opened the drawer (she says it was locked) and found it missing. This is the same drawer where she keeps sex toys. We have file cabinets with locks in our bedroom precisely because both our son and our daughter routinely go into our room without permission and look through our dressers and under the bed. I keep medications in the locked drawer next to my side of the bed.
She wanted me to go up and confront him. As I was going up to his room, he screamed for me to stop. When I got to the top of the stairs, his door was wide open. He was sitting naked on his bed and had his laptop in front of him. I turned around and told him that the system was missing and he should not go through our private stuff while I walked away.
My wife started demanding that I go back upstairs, find the system, and take it from him. I did not want to do that. She then got into how he was getting away with it and I should not care about his privacy since he did not care about ours/hers. I pointed out that this wasn't just about him. She was not considering that my feelings mattered and that I was very uncomfortable. I don't think my feelings even entered her head. It was all about getting the system back and punishing him.
She began to grill me about WHY I was uncomfortable, which, of course, served to make me even more uncomfortable. She displayed a lack of empathy and invalidated my feelings. How much more do I need to explain it beyond I feel uncomfortable after I walked in on our son masturbating? Is "uncomfortable" a pretty reasonable and predictable reaction to the situation?"
This morning she threatened to withhold his phone unless he confessed and gave back the system. He did so and claimed that she had left the drawer unlocked. She said she locked it and it was locked when she opened it to find the system missing.
She also admitted this morning that it was understandable that I should feel uncomfortable.