why should I stay with him because I love him!!!!

"""because I love him I am going to try and work things out,because he is only good a few days in a month I would stay with him,because he takes me out I would stay with him,because he helps me financially twice a year,because because because."""

these were my excuses!! those were my words, to my Mother,friends and family.I read a lot of post here and one in particular says that "we are in control of our OWN HAPPINESS" that is sooo true! we are.

for the past year and a half it's been only chaos and misery with my husband,he has lied cheated and disrespected me to the maximum.I would put up with all the chaos and did not nothing about it.He would take full advantage of me in every way he could.If he did ANYTHING for me he would reproach me all the time.He would always tell me that he is going to fine someone else who could live with him.I pose that to be a serious threat.He has threaten me with this ALL the time,almost every time we have an argument,which is almost every weekend.Our relationship is never stable for a proper fortnight or month.I am tired now.I have post up so many instances that took place with him during the time we were together,I have come to a conclusion that I love him but I love me more.

Yes,I love him but I love me much more.

I have been a great mother since my kids were born,but I was distracted and it caused me to pose some neglects on there behalf,I feel so embarrass to say that I have not been spending the quality time with my kids the way I should have.My husband is a very selfish man,he wants me all to himself and I cannot do the things he is asking me to do.I want to have my husband and also my kids.not my husband and no kids,but I can settle for my kids and no husband any day.there are plenty men out there,but only two kids I have.If he was a normal thinking man he would understand me when I say I am never going to leave my kids to be with only him.He met me with them and found no problem at first,at 50 I would think that he is mature and understanding enough also because he has 2 of his own.But then when I think back,he left his kids 3 years ago and never saw them since.so that alone explains his selfishness.

Most people knows already who read my post the reason we don't live together but I will state very briefly why again for those who are reading my blog for the first time.

I run my business from home,he can't provide  a big enough place for me and both of my kids,I am the owner of a small sweet 3 bedroom home.He rents and I don't want to go renting,that would be a waste of money since I have my own home.He use to live here for 6 months at first but insist he should find his own place to feel like a man.whatever he may be talking about since he is acting like a child all the time.

well,I told him this morning that I am going to give him the time to find someone who can live with him and make him happy,he got soo mad he started shouting in front of my business place and then the food I gave him to eat out of my cafe he threw it on me and mess up all my clothes in front of my customers,I called the police and file a report because he was also threatening to burn my car down.This is how I know it's finally over for sure.I am never going back...