Why is "trying differently" so hard to grasp?

Why is the idea of "trying differently" so hard for ADHDers to grasp and agree to?  I'm just having a bad day of frustration over my relationship that ended.  We spent a great year and 1/w and then we spent a year at each other's throats - but always coming back to each other - and that didn't work.  I suggested that the way we were working on things wasn't working, so how about trying differently -  that was not welcomed. We talked of ADHD and he finally got a diagnosis after he told me he could no longer try anymore.  I told him i could forget the past and rebuild with what we've learned- he said no - too much hurt from the past.   I used to reach out to him and he to I as we both have family members that are ill, but as I realized i needed to take my own medicine (and advice from here) and try differently.  Differently with him and with me (yes confession, i still hold out hope he comes to his senses).  Haven't communicated (any form) in 12 days (longest for us) and i don't plan to.  Working on myself and regaining self esteem currently, but have my days where it seems like such a waste - so as my topic says - why is it so hard to agree to try a differently way?  And why does it seem that it's the male ADHDers that i read on this board and others who, on the majority (exceptions to this duly noted!), refuse to move past the past and rebuild?  Is it the grief of admitting it was part of the problem?  Just such a waste!  Thanks for comments - everyone hang in there!

Kit Kat