Wife ADHD. Will separation destroy me?

My wife of 10 years has anxiety, depression, and ADHD. We have three children, one has been diagnosed and one seems to have ADHD but has not yet been diagnosed. 

 I love my wife, im not going to try and make myself out as a victim, but I am always angry. I try not to show my anger, but it gets unleashed when I feel trapped. I go for a walk.. I yell into a pillow.. I practise mixed martial arts as a way of coping, thankfully I have friends who are more than happy to have me take out my anger on them physically. Sometimes it's too hard. I've cried, we've gone for counselling many times. Over the last couple weeks we've decided to get separated. It wasn't until than that I finally realized that Maybe there wasn't anything she could do. I've always been critical, now I realize to critical. My criticism left her depressed which left her not wanting to be around me. Not because she didn't love me, but because she felt as though she couldn't meet up to my standards. She deals with her depression by meeting people. Starting relationships with people is something that she is fantastic at. Something I always loved about her was how social she is. However because of that she has always had other men trying to peruse her. She loves attention, you can ask any of our friends. However according to her it's always been platonic. With that being said she's had her phone locked for years, and if I ask about it I'm being controlling, and obsessive. I don't check the phone bill anymore because I've had my hart broken so many times trying to figure out why she couldn't just be happy with me. 

She's always gone to bed with me. So I have no reason to believe that she's been unfaithful other than the fact that she's gone out for coffee or to meet someone during the day.

if she has cheated on me I want out. But I have no proof and I can't get any transparency. We decided to get separated because we've had enough but I can't afford to loose my home, she has no formal education past grade 10, and I'm worried if I went ahead with it my kids will loose there home, my wife will loose her mind, and I will loose what I've always wanted and worked hard for which is a home and loving family. Recently I talked to her and told her that I'd rather try and work on us one last time. I'm going to a counsellor to see if I can find ways to change myself to maybe bring her out of the bedroom. She stays in bed on her phone the majority of the day, and only comes out to do something for herself most of the time. 

If anyone has any advice or is sympathetic I'd love to hear it.