Wife did not tell me about diagnosis or medication for 5 years.

Hi all, 

I’m new to this site and very thankful to have found it, perhaps too late to move forward with my spouse of 17 years, but I really want to try.

Five years ago my spouse was diagnosed with ADHD and commenced various drugs and dosage levels which now have her taking 4x30mg of Adderall XR. While I saw and experienced much strange behaviour prior to the diagnosis, then even more strange behaviour after the diagnosis and which started our drifting apart, I was not aware of the ADHD or medication until very recently. She did not tell me any of this and it was not until she left out a pill bottle that I discovered what is going on. She has admitted to the ADHD by saying “it’s only ADHD” in her attempt to minimize her problem. She refuses to talk about the ADHD and is in very strong denial about problems we have experienced as a couple. In her way, she takes absolutely zero responsibility.

I really do not know what to do. One part of my thinking comes from the hurt I felt when she did not tell me; however, I do love her, and I do want to learn what I need to learn so that I can be her anchor.  

I would be very appreciative of any suggestions from folks who have successfully come through a similar situation.