Submitted by doodlebug74 on 05/03/2008.
Oh, how ADHD seems to soak through all areas of my life. I need help as I have hit rock bottom (or close to it). Summing it up: 2 1/2 years ago I had cervical cancer(radical hysterectomy/radiation) which started sudden surgical menopause at age 31. I was later diagnosed with combo type ADHD chatty Kathy type after 3 years of being treated for depression/anxiety I teach 1st grade and have done so for 8 1/2 years. I have a huge heart for the ADHD child or kids who need that personal touch/love from their teachers. I pride myself on being "real to kids"--- I have a 6 year old MINI ME who is ADHD combo type on Vyvance PLUS a low dose Respidall (spell?) for separation anxiety, poss. ODD, negative attitude, difficult personality. Anyhow--the surgical menopause has basically taken me to a state of constant anxiety, depression, like I am swimming to stay afloat. I can't separate my work/motherhood/wifehood -----it all goes together to constant stress and pressure. I feel like all the people in my life (micromanging work, critical type A hubby, perfectionist people) only find my faults.....and they don't help bring me up. I am so starved to feel I am good enough------yet I have been sinking all year. My husband (God Bless him) has been through it with my cancer and ADHD----but at times I have felt he is mentally,verbally, emotionally abusive to me.......well the counselor has eluded to it. Our kindergartner has had a rough year of not wanting to go to school and other health issues that have made me even later for work than I usually am. So, I have taken a leave of absense for depresion/anxiety--- Does hormonal issues effect ADHD ? I feel like I have lost my mind.....I take compouded hormones, Adderall, Effexor, Cymbalta,---- Do some people literally have to stop working full time due to all of the stress ADHD puts on families? And what modifications can I ask for from my boss for the ADHD ? I have gone from SUPER TEACHER to SUPER MESSY STRESSED OUT UNABLE TO GET TO WORK ON TIME......:( And I have absolutely NO interest in SEX even before the cancer--it is so hard to initiate it......when the meds wear off I am ready for sleep. Any advice would be so wonderful. I hear Dr. Hallowell in my mind saying "The most important things are WHO you marry and WHERE you work." Maybe I have chosen wrong in both areas. I feel like such a disappointment to my husband, kids, and employer......I try so very hard....and between hormone appointments, ADHD appointments for my daughter/myself, counseling (marrital, individual, and child)---I am lost as to what to do next. I have almost felt like everyone would be better off if I were gone....I would never do that, but I feel like such a failure....
I can relate
Submitted by clancy on
Thank you for relating and sharing
Submitted by doodlebug74 on
Submitted by MelissaOrlov on
I'm going to send Dr. H the link to this area of the site so he can read and answer when he gets a chance (or perhaps Sue Hallowell, who is a therapist, will do so) but I wanted to respond now about something I know lots about - verbal abuse.
Yes, it is not only possible that a non-ADD spouse can be verbally abusive, but my experience would suggest that is might even be likely. I was the verbally abusive non-ADD spouse in our relationship. I remember being very mean to George - cutting him down and belittling him. I was very, very angry, and this was my response to the anger - an almost constant lambasting and judging. I was able to realize that I was "being hard" on George, but felt that his behavior was "irresponsible" and "thoughtless" and, therefore, he needed someone to be hard with him to "shape him up". I, too, would have denied being abusive for many years. Not to completely let George off the hook, my behavior angered him and he gave back as good as he got (though perhaps in a more passive/aggressive manner that wasn't so obvious to everyone around us as my approach!)
Both were the completely wrong approach.
Your husband's verbal abuse signals that he has lost empathy for what you have experienced with your illness, your job and your ADD. (I'm assuming he didn't used to be verbally abusive.) You've been through a lot, and aren't getting credit for it. I have a dear friend who had cancer 5 years ago and still isn't back to working full time...it can be really tough!
Your husband needs to internalize your crisis and start to both curb his tongue and work out his anger, or he will lose you. When people start saying thing like "I'm only 34 but feel so stressed out I don't think I'll make it another 5 years" and that they think they have both the wrong job and the wrong spouse, things are pretty critical - which often means major life changes like divorce, etc.
I don't have specific suggestions about how you can get him to understand either your dilemna or your needs. Your counsellors are probably best suited to help you with this - but please make sure that they understand the ramifications of ADD in marriages, as yours is showing many of the typical signs of ADD-induced marital distress.
Overwhelmed with ADD
Submitted by amy on
struggling with work and marriage
Submitted by Sue Hallowell (not verified) on
Submitted by jeb4861 on
I just posted on this topic and am convinced that hormonal shifts have a huge impact on ADHD. Though this post is a year old, wondering what kind of hormones you are taking -- I hope 'compounded' means natural and that you have a good person to help you adjust the combination of hormones to help your symptoms. For me, Progesterone has been a godsend though I'm still trying to figure it all out. I have found traditional doctors to be sorely uneducated about the balance needed and far too quick to prescribe the pill and traditional HRT options while dismissing the value of blood tests to see what is really going on. Two books I've found useful are "Natural Hormone Balance" by Uzzi Reiss and "What your Dr. may not tell you about premenopause" by John Lee. They don't focus on ADD but explain a lot about the nuance of hormone balance. Hope all is well.