Were to began? First off I just got diagnosed with ADD and reading disability about 2 months ago. That explains the sacredness to write something here but I am desperate for help. But how do you explain a life and marriage in a few words.
Married 15 years in 11days. Dated 6 years before that and lived together for 3 of those.
Have 3 wonderful boys age 11, 10 and 10. Since the twins were born our life has been a little crazy.
This past summer my wife said she was going to visit her mom and sister for a few weeks with the kids when I had a few busy weeks of work. Good plan I thought. But a few days into this visit when I discovered she changed back account passwords and would not return my call. I freaked out. We had good to a counselor over a year ago for some time and I tried to do the counseling but I do admit that I did not totally buy into it. I called our counselor and she said that I must talk to the kids every day and start working on myself. So I did. With the counselors help I was allowed to go visit the kids for a week and spend some time with the wife but she made it very clear that she did not want me. She was looking for work in this other town (where her mom and sisters live and 6 hours from were our house is and I work and our kids go to school) all summer. She is a teacher. It was the hardest summer of my live. But with counseling and talking to friends I got thru it. By the end of the summer the wife and kids had come back. We were going to counseling and I thought make good progress. Then school started and it has done down heal since. My wife is very unhappy with her current school and the town we live in. A year ago I had said that I would not move but since this summer I have made it very clean that I will consider anything that is best for the family. By the end of summer our consoler said that we each need to got our own counselor so we both have been going to our own counselor for the fall. About 2-3 months again I got the official ADD diagnosis and have been taking drugs since. I am reading thru Halloways books and they make me feel like I finally found my opporating manual. I have really been working on my self and maying my self a better person, dad and husband. My wife has not taken any of the attention or love that I have been putting her way. I have to say that for the many years before this I had not been the best dad or husband. To much time at work, not enough time with kids but the biggest complaint from my wife is that I humiliate her in public but saying inappropriate things. I have done these things and I regret them all. My wife can tell you about every one of them and is working with her counselor of trama therapy to get thru them. She has not wanted to go to our counselor and is always telling me we are not a WE any more. I have been trying my very best to show her I can change. She will not even really talk to me about it and actually yesterday told me she is not even sure about this ADD thing and she see no difference.
I guess that is enough back ground.
So yesterday she said that she is done with me and would like me to move out. I refuse to leave my kids. We have agreed to keep the peace until we can get into see our consular ASAP to go from there. Basically I think she is done with me but I do not feel she has a right to have the kids for more time that I do.
I was the stay at home day for 3 years when they were little. She was stay at home one year and the rest of the time we have both worked. I am a very involved dad. Sure she does more household stuff that me and I did not realize how much until the ADD diagnisis and have tried to correct that.
I still love her with all of my heart and thought that we would be together for ever. I am beginning to wonder about this since she had treated me so bad for the past 8 months. I know now that I have had ADD for our whole relationship and have acted like her 4th child and done most of the other bad things ADD has to offer including always wanting sex from her which has been one of her major complaints. I have never had an affair.
Any thought? Sorry about the bad writing. THis is one of my problems.