Will I Survive This?

Again, I'm in such inner distress it seems my heart & mind are about to explode. I (non-ADHD) have been married for over 2 decades (spouse ADHD). It seems what's going on now is much worse than it was 7 years ago. At that time I'd left the state (twice) and moved 800 miles away. There was no way I wanted to be around my spouse. Now, I feel so foolish for returning. I've been back for a few years. WHY did I believe him? 

Oh my! I'm overwhelmed just trying to express what I'm experiencing. Perhaps, it's due to the fact my spouse IS a therapist and I'm so scared. I've also come to realize the meaning of 'gaslighting'. How should I begin to write down what taking place in order to get some help?