At wits end, but hopeful


I just ordered this book even though I am not married.  I have been in a long-term relationship with my boyfriend who has ADD.  He definitely has the inattentive disorder and not the hyperactivity.   Luckily he is not impulsive and not a substance abuser.  He actually has a very hard time making ANY decisions and can be very tight with his money, even though he is very successful.

Luckily he is going to see a psychiatrist, but I don't want to get my hopes up too much.  It has taken so long to get him to this point where he would consider counseling and medication.  I have thought about breaking up with him many times, but there are so many things I love about him and know I would miss him very much.  The issue I really struggle with is what I have seen posted on this web site.  I have even said this to him many times.  I feel like such an afterthought in his life!  I am not a priority and he seems totally bored with me.  He doesn't ask me any questions.   I am not the type of person who likes talking about myself, so people need to engage me.  When I do mention things about me (my job, friends, family) he just looks at me blankly and doesn't respond.   It is so incredibly hurtful.   He is in a tough place at work now and I have to hear endless stories about his job frustrations and I get nothing in return. I see my happily married friends who have a partner and best friend and I am very jealous.

I know there is no magic pill, but at least he is willing to try something now.  That was not the case 6 months ago.  I think this doctor may do talk therapy too, which would be helpful with his depression issues.  

Have many people on this forum had the help of a psychiatrist?  I know I can't continue in a relationship where I am making all of the effort, but I am not ready to walk away yet either.  I am hopeful!   I am a very giving person and I think I have become the enabler.  I take care of everything from household chores to making social plans to picking what to eat for dinner every night.  It gets exhausting to try to please someone who is so hard to please.

We have large communication issues partly because I am a conflict "avoider" and he never brings anything up.  When I do say something is bothering me there is no response, I think I kind of gave up.  I feel like it isn't fair to him for me to continue to be unhappy about things I don't always address with him.   Although I tried the approach someone mentioned about writing instead.  Last year when I took a vacation I left him a 4 page letter describing my feelings about our relationship and how sad I was that I am not going to have kids (just passed that window of opportunity)  He never responded to the letter or brought it up.  I just blew it off and we went back to "normal". 

After reading people's posts I think part of our communication issues center around the ADD (and my reaction to it!).  Please let me know if you have any advice or if you think there is hope by getting help.