A Woman with ADD, marriage, kids, life not going well

I'm not new to knowing I have ADD, but going through the medications to help me is some what new.  I'm very sensitive to higher doses, so keeping the meds low helps, but I have had a lot of trouble with various meds (anger issues, paranoid, stomach trouble and more). I tried the patches and they have not had the boost I need and the side effects are not good.  Now that I'm out of meds, new doc appointment set up, I realize how much worse I am since I was first told I have ADD & tried meds.  I'm about 60 pages into the ADHD Effect on Marriage. I cry a lot when I read it, I get mad and I just want to retreat. I fear spending to much time with my partner for fear it will turn to criticism, back to my ADD issues or worse. I see how my relationship has been and I can relate to both sides.  My husband and I had a big fight recently about money and I cried for days after and realized how much the book describes what I have been doing.  My quality of life has really gone from happy to weekly tears.  With out meds, I feel now I'm so lost and a bit overwhelmed with life. My relationship has gone from great to he is trying to decide if he wants to leave (something he has said for a few years). I hope the book, tips, forums, etc. help.  I don't like who we have become and where we are. I don't want to be unhappy anymore. I don't want to hate myself, feel like a failure and want to curl up in a ball. We have kids one young and one teenager. I hate trying to hide that I'm happy and I know my children hate hearing dad yell all the time & see me struggling to keep up. I want the kids to see us both happy, but the environment right now makes my older child want to get away as much as possible.   I hope the new meds help.