Wondering about the issue of social skills

It sure appears to me that my ADHD spouse can be late - but cannot tolerate others being late.  

Can neglect returning phone calls for days or even weeks - but cannot tolerate others not returning his calls to them.  

Can forget to do something and it is excusable - but cannot tolerate others forgetting to do things.

Can snarl or bark in anger -   but feels attacked if someone snarls or barks at him.

Calls other professionals to 'check-up' on someone we hire, but finds it highly offensive if anyone would seek a second opinion on a job he is doing - he works construction.

I surely am at the point where I do not know where the ADHD ends and poor manners begin.