Wondering if I can go on...

I am at my wits end. I have spent the last 2 years on psych meds. I am a nuerotic mess. I feel like I never know what end is up and I had to do everything I could to stop for crying hysterically in the middle of the college library while reading everyones posts.


My boyfriend of almost 2 years has ADHD. After I found that he has been complulsively looking at porn, I tried to confront him. Of course, everything got turned around on me. I am a very sexually open woman. I try so hard to please him but a lot of times he doesn't seem interested in sex with me but then he is looking a porn all the time. Whats wrong with me?!

I feel unattractive, unwanted, unloved, and that he's more attracted to more exciting women than me. He's lied to other women about the relationship and then lied to me about the lies. He lies to his parents. He lies constantly and then he becomes OUTRAGED if someone calls him out on a lie. Even something small and insignificant.

I've had self esteem issues. I  have had abandonment issues and 90% of the problems in the relationship are blamed on my problems. I've lost friends because of nervous breakdowns I have had over his lies. I've been medicated to the point of sedation. I can't stand people lying to me.

He wants to try and make this work and so do I. I have a five year old daughter and they are so close and have grown to love each other so much. I love him. I don't want to loose him but i'm tired of feeling horrible. I have not had peace of mind in almost 2 years. I either by the grace of God have to find some way to live with this or I am going to have to leave.

I love him so much. I love his family. I have no family of my own and they all have been so wonderful to me and think of my daughter as a granddaughter. He has stood by me through SOOOO much but the more sane I become the more I truely can't take this constant feeling of emptiness.

He tries. He really does but I don't think he even realizes when he lies. I love him and I know he means well or at least I would like to think he does but I don't know what to do or where to turn for help.