Would love people to weigh in on this:
Like many others here, my DH and I struggle with our sex life a bit (he is ADD and wants it all the time, I am the non and don't want it as often b/c we're still trying to work our way out of the parent-child dynamic). Our counselor suggested that we consider scheduling sex, which is something I've heard has worked for other couples...but I have some concerns.
Pros: DH would know that he'd get the 3 times a week he's been asking for (if we agree on 3, that is), so he wouldn't feel compelled to try for it every single day. If he doesn't try for it every day, I may feel like he's interested in me for reasons other than sex, which would hopefully bring us closer (like, we'd be able to watch a movie on the couch together without him trying anything). If we feel closer, I would be more likely to initiate sex (another complaint of his--I "never" initiate...another instance where perception isn't reality). Another bonus--if he doesn't push for it every day, I won't have to turn him down almost every day, so his self-esteem should improve a bit, too, right? So overall, I think it could work.
Here are the cons, though: What if scheduling it makes it less exciting, like if the planning makes it feel like a job (to either of us)? And I often think that one main reason he helps with certain things is that he's trying to get me in the mood (I can't quite explain this b/c it's not that I'm accusing him of thinking that emptying dishwasher = sex, but I have noticed a pattern of him trying for it more after he does something around the house...), so what if he stops doing things around the house b/c he feels like he doesn't need to work for it anymore? Also, for DH, if our sex life is good, then everything else is good--he's said this is really all he needs. So I'm concerned that if he feels good about us and sees everything as good, he'll be less likely to work on improving things between us. B/c I need much more than sex--I need to feel like I have a partner with whom I can talk and laugh and learn...and I don't think those things will automatically follow just b/c we have more sex.
Has anyone tried scheduling sex? And if so, has it worked at all or made things more difficult?
Thanks in advance for your insight!