Won't talk to me anymore

For those of you following my story, my wife has decided not to talk to me anymore other than important things involving our house. When I returned from my trip, we began counseling again. It was a rocky start. We both had alot of things we wanted to say and the first couple of sessions were tense. Our counselor thought that I did a good job of getting my point across without being impulsive or letting my feelings guide my responses though I was understandably emotional. My wife had brought up me moving near them a few times since she left to hopefully make counseling more effective and allow me more time with my daughter but every time I've close to making the steps to move, she would express some concern and back off from wanting me to move. Finally, I decided to go ahead and list the house for sale and informed her of my decision. I included her in discussions regarding the listing price and how we would afford moving expenses. I also provided some options in regard to purchasing a condo under my name solely as opposed to renting. She was overwhelmed by all the information but I stressed the importance of being able to spend time with my daughter during the holidays and trying to get the house sold as soon as possible due to rising interest rates, increasing housing inventory, and holidays approaching. We came to an agreement on the listing price and put it on the market. Then, the next day she reached out to our realtor and continued to demand an explanation as to why we listed the house lower than what she thought it was worth even though we had come to an agreement on what to list it for the previous day and discussed why.  The realtor reiterated the reasons I explained the previous day including area used for comparables, houses sold in our area in the past 6 months, and feature comparisons, however, she still was not convinced and has been stubborn and argumentative about it for two weeks now causing a lot of tension between us. So much so, that she is now not talking to me anymore, refuses to go to counseling, barely is letting me talk to our daughter for even 5 minutes a day and has no plans to ensure I have time with our daughter for the holidays. She also made it clear that moving would not be to help reconcile our relationship. Regardless of our counselors advice and insight not only on the improvements and progress I have made, but the noticeable issues my wife needs to address, she refuses to accept any of it and puts all blame on me. She continues to belittle me and view everything said and done through a negative lens. At this point, I'm just hoping for as much time with my daughter as possible until I can afford a lawyer. I don't know what else I can do and I think moving will just enable her further.

I feel your pain. I'm the

I feel your pain. I'm the non-ADHD wife; my husband and I are currently living apart; he rarely responds to my messages and when he does respond to a message or initiate a communication, his tone typically is sarcastic or one conveying his feelings of victimization. It is very hard to deal with.  He has said that he doesn't like that I only communicate about financial issues, a complaint that frustrates me, because of the following:  1) I would communicate about other things, but when I do, my husband complains about my "outrage" or says that I'm interested in the "wrong" things about him.  2) I believe that I have a legal and moral responsibility to communicate about financial matters, given that we're still married.  

Anyway, if you find the pill to get your spouse to talk, let me know what it is.

Pulling away

From this and your earlier posts I keep getting the impression that she isn't serious about keeping the relationship up and had in fact been planning moving away for a while before she did it.  Its as though she wants it all to vanish.  You should bump that lawyer priority up. 

 

Kick me when Im down

She filed for divorce. Got the papers last night. 1 day after my bday and on our favorite Holiday. As if I wasn't sad enough last night....

Horrible news, sorry

I'm really sorry to hear about this, but with a good lawyer you at least should get more access to your daughter. Your wife has to realize you're not going to vanish. I hope you have the efforts that you've made documented.

Question for Mrs. Melissa Orlov

Melissa,

Is there anything else you recommend I try to salvage our marriage? I will always love her and am not mad at her for the way she feels. Just want to keep us together.

salvaging your marriage

I'm sad to say that it does not seem as if there is much you can do beyond what you have already done.  You are putting the full court press on managing your ADHD (and should continue to do so, no matter what happens with your wife).  You have responded to her requests to have her present, you have asked for counseling...She is the one who has moved away, taken your child from you, refused counseling or talking to you...you can't force her to do anything, nor can you force her to feel a certain way. 

I would most certainly get a lawyer - immediately - to make sure you are protected and can continue to have full access / joint custody of your child.  Do not let her take advantage of the fact that you still have feelings for her.  Make sure you have good representation so that you can then make considered decisions about what you think is the best approach to your legal situation.

Don't let her actions impact you so that you stop taking care of yourself.  You are on a great path, and making progress you should be proud of.  Don't let her destroy that, too.

Feeling better

Thank you, Melissa for your reply. I really appreciate the support and good advice from everyone here. I won't let this bring me down! I know one way or another, things will work out for the best.