Work or fun?

We seem to have gotten to polar opposites of fun/work linear scale.  My married life has been about building, maintaining, planning, working.  DH has been about having fun, being personable, sense of humor, talking his way around things, jokes, his own pleasure experience.  I slid into workathon when I thought that if he saw me  have fun, he would get distracted and think he deserved more fun that he is already having (he has a distorted sense of what is fair) and he would abandon his work and promises and have only fun abandoning more of his share of work.  Now I realize I don't even know how to have fun anymore amidst my worrying and frustration and fear of failures and trying to balance things.  He pays no attention to responsibilities, thinking of future, finances or bills.  I realize we have practiced this for so many years that I am no longer able to find and know and enjoy pleasure.  He is incapable of flexing his building/conversing sensibly/work muscles (except when he initiates something fun and creative or physically outside it is like he is my pool boy and he expects me to finance things while he gets merit points for mowing the lawn).  I cannot bear to live with no pleasure or joy or partnering.   If I go out and have fun every day, will he pick up some responsibilities more?  Just a question to the ADDers if this  might be worth it.  How would you react if your nonADHD spouse would suddenly change from Responsible Rabbit to Goof Off Goose?