Working things out vs. Wanting to live differently?

I'm new and have a question here for anyone who's thought about this. I'd be really grateful to know what conclusion you came to and what your thought process was.

I'm a non adhd spouse and we have three young children. My husband was recently diagnosed and has tried medication, which helped but didn't magically resolve everything, but has recently been stopped due to medication shortages. He's just started seeing a therapist who specialises in adhd. I will say it took him six years to get a diagnosis after I initially told him I think he has adhd. He is not as extreme as some I have read on this forum. He is a wonderful father in the moment and can hold down a decent job, but basically can't contribute much beyond that to parenting or the household - or to supporting me and my own needs (though at least he sees he's not and wants to). He also has typical adhd emotional dysregulation stuff - not aggressive but hyper sensitive and can have big emotional reactions to small things, a sense of urgency they dont really require. I also have a demanding career which is important to me. He accepts his adhd (in theory) and is deeply sorry for what it puts on me and doesn't want things to be that way. But he almost never recognises the symptoms in the moment and will get very angry and upset if I point anything out. It's almost like being married to two different people. I feel I'm often left trying to help him manage his emotions in a way I don't want to do (I'm very aware of a parent-child dynamic, but like others on this forum this can be hard to step away from when you have children because of the consequences). I do this partly because I want to help him but tbh a big reason is to minimise the impact of his negative emotional reactions on everything else (because often I'm spinning many plates already when he'll unexpectedly get upset about something).

I have my own things to deal with from childhood that I am seeing a therapist for. They recently advised that I am so overwhelmed and burnt out that they think I am not in place to open things up and deal with them. That was a wake up call for me - that going on as I have may cost me fundamental things I need as a person. And really sad. 

Close friends I have confided in have said they see me looking burnt out, that I don't have the spark I used to and that they are worried about me. Having young kids is obviously a factor, but I think a husband with adhd is the bigger one tbh. 

Point is: Ive read up loads on adhd. I understand where a lot of my husbands more challenging behaviours come from, I'm not angry with him. Ive read Melissa's book. So has my husband. There's some good stuff in there, we've tried a lot of it. It never sticks. In all honesty, some of it doesn't resonate with me. A lot of it appears to still involve a great deal of compromise from the non adhd spouse. That might work for some people, but right now I'm left with the feeling that I just don't want to 
live like that. That it's not acceptable for me. That it involves too much compromise at my expense. I don't know how to know if that's right. I don't want to end my marriage but as time goes on I feel less and less attached to that, more feeling a need to focus on my own well being. I've been honest with my husband about all of this. He desperately loves me and wants to save our marriage, but tbh he's been saying that for years and nothing ever gets better enough for me to stop having these thoughts. But it's not clear cut because he is a good person and he is trying, but I'm just not sure if it will ever be enough. 

Has anyone else had thoughts like this?