Worn Out and Sick

Not sure where to start...My road has been a rough and rocky one. I feel as if I have hit a dead end. I have been married to my husband for almost 12 years now. We married when I was 21 and he was 22. He was diagnosed with ADHD when her was 22 but it was never treated. My marriage consist of verbal, emotional, and a few times physical abuse. Just purchased Melissa's book in the hopes of making sense of all of this. I am so exhausted...depressed and just downright fed up of being the only one putting effort into this relationship. He may put efforts in his perspective but I don't feel sane or healthy with him anymore. I was diagnosed with celiac disease, PCOS and graves disease. My mother died because of Lupus at the age of 25. This stress in my life has not just made my life difficult; it has put my health at risk.  I do it all...pay the bills, take care of our 2 children, clean, cook, remember pretty much everything! Everything is an argument. Today he started an argument because I asked him to please clean up after himself at the dinner table. He became defensive and angry. I get this all the time. I am always wrong, crazy, a nag, angry, negative, mean, uptight, pathetic, the list goes on. I am seeing a psychologist once every 2 weeks because that is all I can afford. She feels I am on the verge of depression and is very concerned about my well being. My graves disease is spiraling out of control and I can not handle this kind of treatment from him. I had a vacation without him for 3 weeks to NY last summer and for the first time my graves was under control. I felt such peace, happiness and normalcy! For a while I thought the medication was not working. Now here I am, back to my graves flaring and feeling like a big pile of doo. I am currently unemployed, horrible credit (due to his recklessness) and away from family (he was a marine and swept me away). I feel isolated, hurt, hopeless, and lost. He refuses to seek professional help or treatment. How can this marriage work? I have lost myself because of this marriage. His narcissistic, selfish, irresponsible, forgetful, and arrogant behavior towards me has turned me into someone I do not like. He may have other mental health issues going on but refuses to see someone. Reading post on here and reading Melissa's book is helping me understand but I just want out. I'm just too drained and worn out. I feel like my life force gets sucked out of me when he's around. I want better for myself and my children.