Worthless, lonely, and disappointed beyond belief.

My husband and I have only been married less than a year and we are in a sad state. We had a whirlwind romance after being friends for a year and we were completely enamored with eachother. I know we have what it takes to be the couple married for fifty years embarrassing their grandkids with their PDA. Things started off badly for us though. He was all the things described in the books: caring, spontaneous, funny, loyal. But we soon found ourselves in big trouble. He developed a premature ejaculation problem, and would apologize but immediately fall asleep. This happened over and over for a year. I was losing sleep/self confidence/value from the utter disappointment and worthlessness of it and he would wake up every morning feeling just fine. It was me; I must not be good enough. Also, he would constantly interrupt or change the subject in conversation. Everyone knew he talked a lot but this was getting hurtful. He had been the kind of spontaneous bachelor who bought whatever he wanted that moment, and that also spilled over into our relationship. I couldn't have cared less about chores, or money, or any of the forgetfulness; it was the attacks on my significance that had me on crutches. My friends advised me not to go on and get married, he needed to stop this behavior first. We went ahead with it and we had the wedding of our nightmares (but that's a story for another day). The sexual issues continued and he would apologize all the time, but he tried to 'fix' it himself, which meant trying the same things over and over, but thinking about solutions. His impulsive actions often left me feeling like a piece of meat, not something to cherish and please. I begged him for help. I was becoming depressed.

He and I both are trying to finish our degrees (he had quit college two years prior, which should have been a sign, and then up and decided to start again the semester after our wedding! Again, that should have been a sign). I was, and am, a total wreck. I work in a stressful environment, am trying to finish school, deal with chronic pain issues, and am in a situation where I feel worthless, lonely, and disappointed beyond belief. I cannot believe this is how my life has gone. Yet I love this man more than I can begin to describe.

This February, we finally made the two hour drive to see a therapist. On our second visit, she off-handedly mentioned ADHD and it became obvious that that is what we're dealing with. We started reading books about it and we would read and cry together, seeing how we've hurt ourselves.  He's been on medication for 3 months now but there is so much damage done, I can't see a clear path to get back on track. I am now having to consider not finishing my degree, and quitting my job because of the enormous amount of stress I am under. I have let go of so many dreams and hobbies just to survive. How do I restart after all of this?

 

Don't give up!

It's great that you're finding out what the problem is and that you are both looking into it TOGETHER.  you've only been married a year!  it's just the beginning.... so you had a rough start - but it doesn't have to stay that way.  keep reading/learning together and you will be ok...  It's very hard work - but you have the hard part licked already:  both of you are on board with finding help.