First time on here… in fact, new to realizing I have ADHD.
At 43 years old, I seem at first rather successful in life – good career, winning competitor in several (and strangely unrelated) disciplines, lots of wonderful friends, community/charity involvement, beautiful wife and children, big house etc.
Sounds great, right? Well for example…
- My career is pigeonholed because many higher and lateral positions require too much close follow-up, and/or technical detail and/or long forms etc. Fortunately, on my own, I learned to use calendars, reminders, tasks, a planner etc to keep me on track
- When talking to coworkers, friends, strangers, and my wife, I have no idea what they are saying half the time, and don’t remember half of that if I catch – some random word or phrase can send me daydreaming, or it may just seem too complex. I could win a spelling bee, but a simple tax form is impossible.
- My wife and I just this May had disillusion papers drawn up. I have forgotten my children’s track meets and gymnastic events. She says I am “not plugged in”. There is no warmth, just venom most of the time.
- On my United Way allocations committee, I ask pointed questions and act like I have it together… although the big budget spreadsheet may as well be in Chinese.
My wife and I finally found a good counselor, who asked me early on if I have ADHD. My first reaction was that of insulted (“what, MY fault?”), but I replied “Maybe… I tried Strattera years ago and it didn’t work well, so I gave it up.”. She asked me to read Halloway’s “Driven to Distraction”. Finally I did (audiobook). Luckily, I was alone… I cried the first and second time I listened to it.. By the 3rd time, I began to listen to it for comfort. Somebody else has this confusion, this noise, this disconnectedness, this spacing? I was replaying my elementary teachers' grade card comments, where I I learned new words: “tends” (to forget), “disheveled” (my desk), and “cadet”. I got decent grades, which masked the problems.
After reading this, I got absolutely hungry for more knowledge, reading any info I can. Last night I downloaded Orlov’s “ADHD Effect on Marriage”, and cannot put it away. Only on Chapter 3, my mind has been blown. Orlov captured my marriage in many ways, and I cannot wait for the next chapter, and for my wife to read/listen to it.
I finally went and got a diagnosis, and just picked up some Metadate at the pharmacy. Looking forward to starting to tune medication to optimum type and dose, realizing this likely won’t be the silver bullet
My wife and I talked last night. She seems hopeful, but is still doubtful and bitter. She claims to have read up on ADHD already, although some of her statements were eerily similar to those of the unwitting non-ADHD spouses in both books. We obviously have a long way to go, but we both seems willing to try.
Just found this Forum last night and looking at it has given me some relief, distant camaraderie, some understanding.
Finally – and admission, a name, a reason, a community, a treatment, and most importantly… a hope.
Thanks for listening!