Submitted by txwife on 08/10/2010.
Ok.. I've got something I need some help and feedback on. My husband and I have been married 11 years, together for 13. We only learned about a year ago he's got ADHD, and he's medicated now.
I seem to be unable to answer a Yes or No question with Yes or No. I start to analyze the question and justify my answer before giving the Yes or No answer. This is something he's complained about almost since the beginning of our relationship. I'm in therapy also, and my psychiatrist likens my condition to PTSD, after so many years of dealing with my husband's lack of impulse control. I believe that may be why I do this, but I'm not sure - is this just a female thing?
male and female communication pattern
Submitted by Time4Me on
I ask myself the same question, "Is it my female approach to the question or is it the results of trying to deflect the adhd?" I read Deborah Tannen’s, “Can We Talk" a condensed version of "You Just Don't Understand" and I see where my husband and I start with these different approaches. We have discuss the differences, however there seems to be something more or something left out that doesn't quite pull it together for us. I can adjust to the male approach but he cannot adjust to the female. It does not cross his mine the next time we discuss a project.
He acts as if I am trying to sabotage him, instead of realizing I am trying to figure, how to help him or us. When I ask him question, I am trying to make sure he is on the same wavelength but he thinks I am nagging. Yet when he ask questions, it to make sure he is doing what I asked him to do. He wants to make sure it's the right way I want it done. We are both aiming for the same results but instead of accepting that fact, we end up fighting. (A power struggle) I don't want a power struggle; I just want him to understand my approach. How I got to the conclusion or how I see it done. There is no right or wrong, just different and sometimes it would be helpful to me, if he saw it through my eyes, instead of his.
I think that is where the adhd comes in. I don't think he understands because the next discussion will end up the same unless I see it through his eyes, only I can't always trust that his thinking is leading us down the best path.
Same issue
Submitted by winikeh on
I have the same issue, though it was pointed out to me by my current boss. He has told me how much it frustrates him when I give a paragraph answer instead of a one or two word answer to his questions. Any thoughts on what is behind that, and "fixing" it would be appreciated.