So. I was posting last Friday, and in the middle of my post (re: my husband and our issues) I was stricken with symptoms such that I called 911. I thought I was having a heart attack. The paramedics checked me out. Saw nothing that indicated heart attack or other cardiac issues. I declined to go to the hospital. However, my blood pressure and heart rate had both increased to well beyond what is normal for me, as I typically run very low in both areas. My husband- normally detached and distracted but currently in hyperfocus due to me having approached him with the idea of separating last week- is now frantic with worry.
So, besides forcing me to make an overdue appointment for a physical with my physician, this episode has provided YET ANOTHER opportunity to reflect on what the current state of my marriage is doing to me.
As of now, I am doing only two things:
(2) milking it for all its worth.
You didn't think I would stoop so low, but yes. I have assumed the mantle of some Edwardian invalid to get some peace in my house. He now fears "upsetting me." Thank you, Jesus. Because I really need the stress relief. The past few days, each time he has approached me about something vaguely unpleasant, I have only to languidly move my fingertips toward my breastbone and he says, "Don't worry. I will take care of it." I returned several hours later from a late night piano lesson to a house that was vacuumed, dusted, dishes washed, children fed and tucked into bed, garbage taken out, and a cup of tea waiting for me. If only this could go on... But I will at least try to make it last until I get him to that formal ADD evaluation. He currently thinks that he has to please me or it will kill me. I will do nothing right now to divest him of this misinformation....