Yet another opportunity....

So.  I was posting last Friday, and in the middle of my post (re: my husband and our issues) I was stricken with symptoms such that I called 911.  I thought I was having a heart attack.  The paramedics checked me out.  Saw nothing that indicated heart attack or other cardiac issues.  I declined to go to the hospital.  However, my blood pressure and heart rate had both increased to well beyond what is normal for me, as I typically run very low in both areas.  My husband- normally detached and distracted but currently in hyperfocus due to me having approached him with the idea of separating last week- is now frantic with worry.

So, besides forcing me to make an overdue appointment for a physical with my physician, this episode has provided YET ANOTHER opportunity to reflect on what the current state of my marriage is doing to me.

As of now, I am doing only two things:

(1) resting.

(2) milking it for all its worth.

 You didn't think I would stoop so low, but yes.  I have assumed the mantle of some Edwardian invalid to get some peace in my house.  He now fears "upsetting me."  Thank you, Jesus.  Because I really need the stress relief.  The past few days, each time he has approached me about something vaguely unpleasant, I have only to languidly move my fingertips toward my breastbone and he says, "Don't worry.  I will take care of it."  I returned several hours later from a late night piano lesson to a house that was vacuumed, dusted, dishes washed, children fed and tucked into bed, garbage taken out, and a cup of tea waiting for me.  If only this could go on...  But I will at least try to make it last until I get him to that formal ADD evaluation.  He currently thinks that he has to please me or it will kill me.  I will do nothing right now to divest him of this misinformation....