You have got to be kidding me!

I feel like I live on a roller coaster. Some days it's fun other days it's just pure exhausting... for no REAL reason. My ADHD husband works six days a week, so you would think that the one day we both have off together you would try extra hard to have a nice day and enjoy each others company. But more times that not Sunday mornings seem to always start off on the wrong foot. This morning he was watching TV and I was riding the stationary bike. He looks over at me and says that's why the house smells. I said what do you mean (I didn't know the house smelled). He goes that bike, it makes the house smell when you use it. I said why? He said the brakes. I laughed- I thought he was trying to make a joke (He jokes with everyone else). Off he went saying I never believe anything he says. When I tried to explain that I thought he was making a joke because obviously there are no brakes on a stationary bike he very carefully explained that there are brake pads that make the tension. So then I asked what it smelled like as I couldn't smell anything. And off he went again. I just don't understand how something that is a simple question can make someone so mad. Needless to say we spent the day doing our own thing. I had a joyous day at the beach, (which he will never go to with me). This is just an example of how a typical fight starts.... and I am always so bewildered over the explosiveness over nothing.  We have been married 16 years and I can go so long where I excuse it, but it seems the more I excuse it the more it happens, maybe because he thinks he can get away with it. Then after several episodes in a short period of time I'll just stop talking to him.  I think it wakes him up and then he is good for awhile. It is so frustrating.  I mean once he called me a very nasty C word because I questioned him about a pizza place he went too. He thought I was calling him a liar when in fact I was just trying to figure out which pizza place out of the 300 in our area he had gone too. It's crazy and I truly think it affects my health.  I went to a reflexologist recently and she said you are very stressed.  The only thing that stresses me is HIM!

"but it seems the more I

"but it seems the more I excuse it the more it happens"

I deal with this kind of 'immediately angry over (seemingly) nothing' thing too. A couple of things have helped me learn to 'accept' it, for the time being. For starters, I know it to be a fact that he looks at the world through a negative lens...almost.always. It isn't just me that he looks that way at, it is everyone. I see others being constantly 'attacked' (for lack of a better word) due to his mis-perceptions, so I know it isn't just me. This helps take the "this is personal" label off of it. Also, I have just started saying "why act that way?" or "there is absolutely no reason for that reaction...we just obviously misunderstood each other" or some other 'draw attention to it and then drop it' kind of comment. I have started making more of an effort to apologize if I feel I did something that might be offensive to him...such as you laughing when you thought he was joking. I do the same thing...and as much as I don't want my feelings poo-pooed, I don't want to poo-poo his, no matter how ridiculous the reaction might seem to me. "I am sorry I laughed, I truly thought you were just joking. Not worth fighting over" and keep riding your bike. I am not sure why they point out things like this (that your bike makes the house stink), because it serves no purpose except to stir a pot of crap and possibly 'persuade' you to not ride it in the future. Maybe there was ZERO hidden agenda...who knows. All I know is I would recognize this situation for what it was...a misunderstanding...and move on. Just because the pattern seems to be that Sundays aren't ever pleasant, does not mean that this Sunday cannot be..or the next. It may take a lot of Sundays of you not letting him drag you into a fight for him to finally stop trying to drag you into a fight but as long as you react to his baiting with anger and then silence, you'll spend your Sundays alone. Not reacting with anger, or you refusing to let him drag you in, is not letting him get away with anything or you excusing it, it is you understanding what is happening in his ADHD mind, and responding appropriately. And by appropriately, I mean you not reacting in a way that hurts yourself...and does the marriage no good either. You getting angry and silent will just confirm in his mind that you are 'hard to get along with'. 

It is very difficult at first, to let this kind of behavior fall into the 'doesn't really matter' or 'not worth fighting over' file...but eventually you start to feel better about yourself and you start to break some very HARD TO BREAK patterns in the marriage...that are in dire need of being broken. 

I asked my husband last night if he would mind to go pick up our daughter. He responded with "I don't really have a choice, now do I? so sure!" ('sure' is a word he uses when he is pissed...) This was in response to a very innocent question. ??? So I said "Of course you have a choice. I was asking you (not telling). Why would you react that way? I will go get her" and immediately he responded with "I am sorry I got shitty. I will go get her, I already have my clothes on. Just remind me when I need to leave". Baby steps, but progress. The more I let go of my anger, the more I realize how angry he is...but each day that I don't let it drag me back in, the better I feel about myself. 

Good Luck!