For the longest time, I have scratched my head when my H would be unreasonable/yell/etc and then he'd excuse his response by saying, "you've been a bitch all (week, month, day, etc). I would think back and wonder what he was talking about because I had not been "bitchy".....as a matter of fact, H will proudly tell others that I'm always in a good mood, and that I never nag. (which of course, leaves others scratching their heads because of his complaints about me then don't fit with that.)
Now that our kids are old enough to "chime in" they'll often say, "mom hasn't been bad at all." (Of course , H should never call me a bitch in front of our kids (or anytime) but he has no self-control. ) Having our kids back me up reassured me that I wasn't missing something.
But, over time I've come to realize what is going on. Part of this is the "now, not now" thing going on. IF H is mad about something, that is NOW, and therefore in his mind....everything. So, if he thinks I'm being a bitch right now, then in his mind that is "all the time." That is the NOW.
however, there is another aspect....what H thinks is "being a bitch" is not what a normal, healthy person thinks is being a bitch. If I have to politely tell H to "wait a sec" because I'm doing something and can't stop to come to him at that moment., or if I have to politely put my finger to my mouth as a "hush" sign when I'm on the phone, then he thinks that is "being a bitch". He also hates it when I'm near a noisy thing (washer, dryer, dishwasher) and I have to ask him to repeat what he just said from across the room. He finds many normal things upsetting and jarring. .