YYZ's Progress Report

I have not started a post in a long time, so I think today is as good as any.

A little over two years after my diagnosis I feel like things in my house are better than they have been in a long time. I always take my meds, read and respond to many posts here (This site and it's great people have really made a difference) and continue to work on my ADD behavior. Communication between my DW is much improved and the anger and frustration seems to be fading fast.

I wanted to post results that are positive to those who, like me, needed to know that it is possible for things to work out for the marriage blown-up by the affects of ADD and all the other things that get marriages in trouble. I knew improvement would take time and patience and though we still face challenges like any marriage, time has indeed passed, communication improved, ADD symptoms are better controlled and I am feeling some peace and a lot less anxiety in my marriage.

The big issue regarding weight loss and the "Real Reason" behind it is less of an issue. I believe my reassurances to my DW that I want only her, and unlike seemingly every couple around us in our age range, I don't want a divorce and am not having an affair. Time seems to be helping us both. I don't know the "Magic Formula", but patience and understanding what your spouse is dealing with is a must. I have ADD and other issues and my wife have battled with depression and these things helped create how we deal with things. Understanding "Why" I get some reactions has made a difference for me. I'm hoping that my DW has some understanding of the "Why" I act/react the way I do sometimes. I do/have done many things that someone outside our marriage might say "Don't put up with this... Run...". I have heard some of the same comments and because I understand some of the root causes for the behaviors I can keep them in perspective.

Many people here on this site have given me perspective regarding what we are going through and would not be where I am without their support.

YYZ

Congratulations!

I am so happy to hear of your progress--and mostly, that you truly recognize and feel like you're making progress.  

Thanks for posting positives!

 

Thanks...

Sometimes it is not easy to See improvement, as it sneaks up on you.

YYZ

 

Yay!

Checking in here... My husband just walked by and said, "Whatcha doin'?  Checking up on your ADD friends?  How's YYZ?"  So I'm glad to have good news :-)

So often I come here and feel worse after reading the anger/frustration section...

I'm having kind of a crappy week myself.  Lots of slip ups etc.  I went without a dose the other morning because I'm trying to stretch out my pills:  I'm leaving town tomorrow, tried to fill my script tuesday, but they said it was too soon and I couldn't fill it til the 8th.  Tried again today... but they said, "Well, your insurance will PAY for it today, but it's illegal for me to GIVE this to you til tomorrow."  I'll be gone by then and don't know if I can get any in another state etc... So I'm figuring I'd better stretch it out in case I can't.  it was really weird to be 'me' again.  My brain felt heavy and there were so many ideas, thoughts, hopes etc running through my mind.  I made a list of stuff I thought I might do....  My head was a mess, but finally my hands were not shaky, my mouth wasn't dry, my blood pressure was 100/50 and my pulse was 62.  (I've got a machine)  I took my afternoon dose, felt my blood pressure rise, saw my hand shake as i passed out papers to people in my class, and when I read the list of hopes, goals and other stuff I'd written a few hours earlier, I crumpled it up and threw it in the garbage.

*sigh*

well, gotta go to bed.

Congrats YYZ.  Keep fightin' the good fight!

 

You keep fighting too :)

The site has had almost no activity this week. Kind of strange... I missed the window for my last dose the other day and by the end of the night I was feeling like my old self, Uggggggggggh... I did not like it AT All. I usually have some reserves built up, because I'm prescribed 60 mg per day and usually take 50 mg, sometimes 40 mg on the weekend IF I get to sleep late. (Rare) That is funny that your husband knows some of us. My DW knows I post here all the time, but I don't know if she reads anything here or even knows I'm YYZ.

Get some sleep... I'm trying to get un-wound myself.

YYZ

reserves...

I used to skip doses to have some 'reserves' and then I started noticing how awful I felt whenever I skipped one.  And my husband would say, "Um... did you take your pill...?"  *sigh*

At first I thought, "60 mg?  holy cow!" but then I notice the time stamp on this and realize you're starting at 5am and you're still up at midnight (or maybe you're Central time? but still.... )

I've been having trouble sleeping lately.  I'm sleepy, for sure, but I've got little aches and pains here and there and my arms/legs tend to fall asleep if i'm on my side - and no matter how I fall asleep, i'll wake up on my side.  Maybe it's because i've gotten so skinny.  (from 140 to 113)  So I'll fall asleep, then wake up a half hour later with a limb or two gone numb.  When my daughter wakes up at 7ish, I can't go get her right away because my leg(s) are asleep.  It takes 5-10 minutes before I can stand up!

My husband doesn't actually read the site or go to it himself, but sometimes I read him excerpts or ask his opinion on something and he'll put in his 2 cents.  I think what a lot of women on this site are experiencing is sometimes Mars vs. Venus rather than ADD vs. Non-ADD.  Not to be sexist or anything :-)   We are wired differently, that's for sure....

Things have gotten better for me and my DH, too.  I'm finally realizing that he is NOT always criticizing me/scrutinizing everything I do....

well - gotta run...

 

Aches / Pains

I don't skip doses, unless I over-shoot my last one which is rare, but if my weekend days start later I may only need 2 doses. I rarely take the full last dose, unless I have to really push through the end of the day, like working late.

You mention aches and pains and boy I have those too. In late 2008 I weighed in at 285 and due to stress I was down 40 lbs when I was diagnosed in May 2009, then by August 2010 I was down to 185 and have remained +/- 4 lbs since then. I'm 5'-11'', so I'm not "Skinny/Gaunt" like my DW has said to me, but I had been 260+ for most of our marriage. I think most of my aches (R shoulder, hands, R foot, R knee, hips) are from being 46. It sucks that I'm in the best shape of my adult life and I have all the aches... I don't experience the arms/legs falling asleep so much.

Mars/Venus... Absolutely! I think things are improving because I'm realizing that my ADD symptoms are improved and not really the main issues we have been struggling through. ADD untreated, certainly did not help me deal with issues very well, obviously, but two people getting along over time is not an easy thing to do because we all have our issues. I think I also felt more criticism / scrutiny because I never noticed it before, unless it was being yelled at me :-/

I'm glad things are improving for you too.


 

YYZ

Very good progress report!

Very good progress report! :-) I think this is a testament to your hard work and accountability for your ADHD and what it brings to the table...AND your patience with your wife as she learns to deal with the 'new' you. Most likely much of the same from her too...as it does take two. Very happy to hear!!

((HUGS))

Sherri

Thanks!

It's people like you, Sherri, that have helped me so much. There are many other too... I think learning a little patience has helped :)

I'm not done, either!

Work in Progress: YYZ

Shew...learning patience has

Shew...learning patience has been a huge obstacle for me too...I may get there someday.

I've learned tons from you too...getting some ADHD insight is some of the most helpful stuff around! :-)

 

Have you noticed....

the lack of activity on the site for the past few weeks? It's like everyone but you, me, Sue and Ellemenno have disappeared???

Very strange... Maybe everyone figured all of this out and we are the only ones who haven't ;-)

YYZ

I think they are all on vacation

I am really struggling with the fact that my husband lost his job. I've been looking for support and help and so have been much more active than usual. The fact that my family is going to break up because he couldn't keep track of his wallet is just so devastating to me. Even worse is the fact that he STILL doesn't want to try to find one place to keep his wallet. He admits it's a good idea but won't do it. This is me with steam coming out my ears!!!

The Wallet...

I have seen quite a few of your posts. I have not lost my wallet in a long time because I've got my system in place there. Your husband thinks it is a good idea, so Why won't he try it??? Maybe he thinks it makes him look like a child? I guess if someone was telling me I needed to park my car only in this one place so I wouldn't lose it I'd feel the same, the funny thing is I really do try to park in the exact same place for the same reason as my wallet locations. Hang in there Sueann... Maybe the light bulb will turn on for him :)

YYZ

The problem with the wallet

He simply has no idea how to keep track of that, his cell phone, his debit card, his keys. I have tried until I am blue in the face to get him to put these vital items somewhere specific. He does not want to do that. He thinks he should just be able to leave them in his pants, throw the pants on the floor and they should be there the next day. The dog sleeps on them, they get pushed under the bed, etc. I found the debit card under the bad last week when we got a new mattress from Freecycle. He does not want to moderate this behavior in any way.

My heart breaks for him. He lost a job he loved more than life itself because he lost his debit card and his company-issued cell. At almost 50, having been fired from a job in the psychological field, he expects to get another job doing that and won't consider retail, etc. that might at least feed us and enable us to pay the rent so we can stay together. I feel so bad for his loss, but he isn't learning from it. He appears not to care that I will have to live with my daughter 90 miles away. His head is stuck so far up his a$$ he doesn't see it.

I had a job interview yesterday about 90 miles from here. My car (his died) is a $500 beater I bought on eBay and has no air and we live in the South. My mother-in-law offered to let us (he was invited to come too) borrow her car, which has AC. When we went to pick it up, she wouldn't let us take it because he was supposed to change the oil before the trip and hadn't. She never told me he was supposed to change the oil or I'd have done it. She gave him a lecture about learning responsibility, I got sunburned. Always, the consequences of his ADD fall on me.

I did get a chance to do a trial of the job I interviewed for, but it is a part-time internet job. I won't be able to support him with it. If I could, he'd sit around and wait to be taken care of, like a baby bird in the nest. AND HE JUST DOESN'T SEE IT.

I cannot imagine being 50 and

I cannot imagine being 50 and having a mother 'lecture' me about anything...it is no wonder to me that the man has never 'learned' to be responsible..why bother? He's apparently capable of nothing but letting everyone around him down and is still being treated like a child at the age of 50. My husband doesn't change the oil in his truck...a fairly new, nice truck. I have to keep track of it and change it or he'll drive it till the engine blows...so I keep it changed and go on with my life. I don't berate or "lecture" him for it because it is who he is and it's NOT A BIG DEAL TO ME. His mother should be ashamed of herself...if it meant so much to her, change the oil yourself before offering to let him borrow it if you KNOW that his history indicates he's not good at keeping up with stuff like that. Is there anyone in his life who shows him compassion? Who says "I know you have faults, but I truly love you for who you are..faults and all"?

 

Sherri, that's an interesting question

To me, his mother "enabled" him by letting him live rent-free with her until he was 43.  She would have let him continue until she died, but he decided he wanted to marry me and be an adult. He was unprepared to do so, couldn't hang onto a job, etc. (all the things I've posted about). Now, to me, he's living like a teenager in his mother's house, being fed and housed, but by me. But that is about to change because I can't.

Like you, I'm glad to change the oil, buy the groceries, etc. To me, that's part of loving someone. I guess I do love him because I've put up with this for 6 years.

I'd have changed the oil if she'd asked me. She didn't change her own oil because she's getting ready to move and feels she's too busy. My point was that I suffered because of something he did (or didn't do) once again.

I struggle with the question of whether I love him or not. I wanted so much more for our lives together and I thought he did too. I grieve for him because he has lost so much for this terrible disorder and his inability or unwillingness to manage it.

 

But he IS an adult. His

But he IS an adult. His actions might seem immature and selfish, but he has a disorder that is the underlying cause to all of this. Can you imagine existing in this world feeling as if no one loved you 'just as you are'? Do you buy into the idea that FEELING loved and valued as a human being can often be very helpful in motivating people with ADHD to want to change? IF so, can you see where he basically has no motivation to change? Honestly, if I forgot to have the oil changed and it resulted in me not only getting lectured by my mother but being blamed for a sunburn my wife got, I wouldn't have much motivation to do anything either. Bottom line...his actions (inactions) are destructive and hurtful but at some point you are going to have to ask yourself some very tough questions...such as "what am I doing to add to the problem" and "what could I do to make him feel better about himself and WANT to do better?" Blaming him because you got sunburned in your car ... well, to be honest, it sorta makes me feel sorry for him.

 

I didn't say a word to him about it

I got sunburned because I had the windows open because we have no air. I didn't "blame" him or say anything to him about it. I have more productive conversations with walls than that conversation would have been.

I just wish there was some way to get him to modify his behavior in more productive ways, so he could learn to keep a job and so forth. I know he's broken hearted about losing his job. But he feels that he can't change his behavior, he can't learn to put his wallet and cell phone somewhere that he will remember. We were so excited to get this diagnosis and find there is a reason for the way he acts. He got a boost from the meds and finally got a job in his field.  But the meds don't make them "normal" and he feels he can't do anything else about it. If he feels he can't, then he won't. I don't know how to change that cycle. I never berate or blame him. I just point out how much trouble we are in, because he won't acknowledge it, and go on making plans for my post-marriage life.

And I don't have to imagine a world where no one loves me. That's been my reality all my life. People like me with visible handicaps grow up with major self-esteem problems. Kids mocked the way I walk, chased me, assaulted me, etc. and no one did anything about it. My husband loves me, but because I take care of him, not because I'm a good and loveable person.

But even if you aren't

But even if you aren't verbalizing to him that you feel he is at fault for your sunburn is irrelevant because just the simple fact that you blame him (openly or not) adds an underlying resentment to your marriage. I go back and read some of the things I post here...and say to my friends elsewhere...and I am almost ashamed of my anger towards my husband. I recently found myself being ashamed for all of the negative THOUGHTS that were going through my mind about him..and then to see the things I was saying...it isn't 'because' of his behavior, it is because I am letting my anger overtake me. Looking at EVERYTHING with 'angry eyes' got me nothing but more misery and shame...and it complicated matters even more by keeping my mindset ALWAYS resentful. I felt completely justified in my anger...because look at all of the horrible things he was doing to me. So what if I talked about him like a dog? So what if I blamed him for my own misery? He deserved it, right? Oh yeah, I would say "his ADHD is out of control" but yet I would hold his actions against HIM and not his ADHD. Once gain, second time in two years, I had to own up to my own faults and realize that NOTHING he does justifies me being an angry, resentful wife. It certainly does not help anything...and I am trying to stop not only the words I say about him (out of anger) but the thoughts I have as well. As long as, in your mind, you blame him for all of the things that have happened to the two of you, then you're keeping things at as much of a stale mate as he is.

I am sorry if you've gone through life never knowing unconditional love from anyone. I honestly cannot relate to that. It was something I was shown by my Momma as a child and my Daddy as an adult...and by my siblings as adults too. My family loving me has always been a source of strength for me..to know that I can do better, but am good enough just as I am. My husband never felt that from anyone but his mother...and although I've given him a lot of reasons to feel my love for him is conditional over the years I truly want to change that. I realize how vital it is to his having the courage and strength to overcome his ADHD. It is one of the hardest things I've ever tried to do (I DO love him unconditionally..but showing it to him in the face of his behaviors sometimes is tough!!).

 

But Sherri, if I let him think it's OK ...

What incentive does he have to change? If I was like, OK, I don't care that you lost (yet another) job and I'll pay the rent, how would that encourage him to change? Wouldn't he be like, OK, now I can play computer solitaire all day and Sueann will take care of me?

The ADD has no bearing on whether I love him. What makes me question whether I love him is that he doesn't care how it affects me and doesn't try to change his behavior.

It is very common to feel

It is very common to feel like they don't care because their behaviors are hurtful to us. How do you know he doesn't care? I used to think my husband didn't care either..couldn't care. I used to use the phrase "you either don't get it or you just don't care" (how hurtful his behaviors were) but reading more and more has taught me that isn't true..in either case. He gets it...and he cares...but for any number of ADHD related reasons, he continued the behaviors for many years.

No one said, I certainly didn't, that it was "OK" that he lost his job. What I am saying is that I would sit down with him and let him know that I appreciated how hard he must be struggling, how bad he must feel about losing the job that meant so much to him, how much I loved him and wanted to help him be successful, and let him know that you have every faith in him that he'll find something soon. Let him know that you believe in him and encourage him. Let him know that you love him and want to be with him, want to have a life together, and let him know what you are going to do to make that happen and make a plan for the future. "when WE get jobs, and can possibly rent a small apartment and be together again...if there is anything I can do to help, let me know. I know how difficult things can be for you sometimes"

He has the easiest life in the world

I struggle to pay the rent. He watches TV. I get up in the morning and get on the computer and look for jobs and send out resumes and do the new part-time internet job I've just gotten. He sleeps. I beg and plead with him to please change the light bulb in the computer room so I can work at night. He doesn't. (I can't and we can't afford to pay anyone to come in and change the light bulb.)

I would love to have the leisure he has and the fun. I would love to have a loving spouse who worries if my needs are met. I don't, but he does. I simply don't know what I could give him that I haven't already given him.

Wife with ADD

I recently joined this site, but have been a bit hesitant to post because I AM THE ONE with ADD. What you describe above is me, NOT THE HUSBAND in the relationship. I have read so many posts that have been the exact same things my husband has been trying to tell me about for years. So may posts here tell of a husband's behavior . . .  and that is exactly how I behave.  There are issues that my husband has that contribute to our problems . . .  he has depression and ADHD . . . . but he can function quite well despite. Honestly my issues are what have been the hardest on the marriage. I don't know how many women there are statistically that are the spouse that has the ADHD/dependency . . .  it seems there are a lot of husbands described on here with my issues more than wives. Maybe i just haven't read enough.

 

Nothing to fear here :)

I have learned so much from the NonADDER's on this site. Most people are trying to figure out what is going on in their lives regarding the affects of ADD. You are not alone and there are many women with ADD, but is seems that women are harder to diagnose than men. There are people that vent a little in their posts, I know I have :) I think there may be more examples of men with ADD, but it does not really matter. I have found several women with ADD that seem to process things just as I do. The ADD is the common link.

Welcome to the site...

 

YYZ

feeling sorry

Sherri - it's interesting that you make the comment that it sorta makes you feel sorry for him.  I had that very same thought about my husband today while we were driving our daughter home from the hospital (she had surgery and is home and fine now).  He had made some comment to her about knowing about some surprise she had planned.  She was so upset that he knew.  He tried to put a twist on it to make it seem like something else, but she wasn't buying it (she's 7).  I sat there wondering why he even brought it up - he knew he wasn't supposed to know about it (totally my fault for telling him - but he wanted to be sure it didn't interrupt other family plans we have for the weekend).  I knew he felt bad for upsetting her.  For some reason that scenario popped into my head on the way home and I wondered how many time in his life he's felt that way - bad for upsetting someone because of something he's said.  And I felt a bit sorry for him.  It must be hard to feel that way as often as I think he does - or has in the past.  It really made me re-think how I've reacted to some things he's said to me in the past.  And made me think I should work on that.  

Yeah, I've noticed how slow

Yeah, I've noticed how slow it is...I only come check a few times a day and haven't had much new to respond to...prollie just summertime and everyone is (hopefully) out having a good time. I know when things get really bad for me, I just lose interest in even discussing anything about it..so I drop off a little. I was just thinking today about DF and hoping he's doing OK. :-( And Fuzzylogic...hope he's getting that school work done! :)

 

You checked in...

I've been cRaZy bUsY at work, you guys may have noticed some really short responses from me lately. I feel kind of bad not saying much to some of the new comers on the site. When things get real bad I tend to withdraw and drop-off the site. Maybe DF and Fuzzylogic (Great Name) will pop back on soon.

I'm up too late again...

YYZ

Yes, we all had total

Yes, we all had total epiphanies and figured it ALL out, sorry you did not get the memo. Just kidding. I just needed to take a break- and though things are still terribly dysfunctional, I just got tired of feeling like the poster child for depression. Reading your posts and will still offer some myself when I feel I can say something helpful OR need the warm support you guys give me to keep sane. I am happy about your progress yyz, it gives me hope. I, too, have been thinking about the others- Lynne, Ended Wit, Topaz, Wayne, DF.. Amazing how much I have learned and gotten solace from you all, yet would walk right past you in Target :) without knowing... Crazy huh?

Wayne is on my FB...and I

Wayne is on my FB...and I don't think he'd mind me posting that he did end up getting divorced, but is doing GREAT and seems really, really happy! :-)

Hang in there lady...hang in there. (((HUGS)))

FB is the universal...

constant these days. I'm real sorry to here about DF. I felt a real connection with him. Hopefully he is getting through the bad times and will be back. Sherri... Give him a "Poke" from me out there on FB.

YYZ

That totally made my day! I

That totally made my day! I am so happy to hear Wayne is doing well, I got quite choked uo to hear it (in a good way for a change)! Thks guys, you hang in there too! <3

I probably got the memo...

and misplaced it ;)

I have certainly gone through active and inactive phases here. It is really interesting to have friends out here and not know you if I saw you in Target and I was there on Sunday...

Hang in there Lululove :)

YYZ

haven't disappeared . . . .

  . . .   just stalking the site more than typing.  Believe me, I have NOTHING figured out!  :-)  Sometime I think (hope!) I have one small thing somewhat understood . . .  but I don't.  It's very helpful to read this site, though.  I love hearing other viewpoints that I may not think of on my own or that my husband might not be able to articulate to me.  

Not gone, just tired of

Not gone, just tired of thinking about how to deal with ADHD. My DH moved out about a month ago and so I took a break from ADHD. In a way I feel fortunate that I can. I am managing depression as well, so its not good for me sit for hours and immerse myself and dwell on things. At times coming here is completely discouraging because I know what part of problem is, he just wont entertain the possibility he has adhd at all. I just had contact with him the other day and he texted something that sounded like he's on a different leg of the emotional swing. Since adhd was on my mind again, I started catching up with everyone here. Guess I didn't miss much, lol. Glad to see everyone is still kicking. :)

new and where do i put comments?

Hi ! I'm new here and Melissa Orlov's book has really opened my eyes to what is going on in my life.  I had a tough childhood and thought my overly doting husband was my prince charming. Fast forward many years and we now are at the brink of divorce, losing our house, our 3 kids are all coming up with ADHD, speech and language delays, sensory issues, you name it and my husband has just recently started looking into his ADHD after I began filing for divorce and calling CPS.  I cant stand it anymore. I am a professional intelligent woman that feels along, betrayed, resentful, and angry in my life. For the longest time i thought it was me.  His family and friends think I'm the one with the issues- too controlling, nagging, overprotective of the kids (don't get me started). etc.. his behavior has been erratic.  begging me to take him back and then the next day yelling at me that it is my and the kids fault his job is suffering now that he is trying to get his act together and be more attentive to us.  Why am I here? Are there any other people in my situation that actually did get divorced?  I cant take much more....

 

Glad you are back...

I have taken breaks too... Sometimes I just don't think I can add anything of value. I keep coming back because I don't want the things I've learned to slip away. Sorry to hear about your DH moving out. If he won't accept his role in all of this, then how can he expect to move forward? Maybe he thinks he has to take all the blame, but he does not have too. I felt that way for a while, until I realized nobody is "Normal" and we all have our "Special Quirks" which have a role in how our lives pan out.

You did not miss too much... Welcome back :)


 

YYZ

Seeking Advice from the Lone Star State

Hi YYZ,

We haven't heard from you in a while, and I am hoping that's a GOOD sign that things are continuing to improve in the YYZ household :).  I really, really hope that's the reason why.   You are usually on here daily, so I hope you and your family are O.K.

Assuming that things are fine (fingers crossed for you), I have some observations and a question:  You have indicated that your wife in the past was just staying for the kids, but somehow, you've managed to keep your chin up and keep a positive attitude in spite of the daunting task of rebuilding a marriage with a partner who didn't trust you, wanted to divorce you, and didn't even believe in ADHD.  I think that is the heart of my problem:  there is so much on the line, he keeps SHOWING me he loves me, tells me doesn't, talks out of both sides of his mouth on marriage...and I don't know how to FEEL and PROJECT more positivity in spite of the circumstances.  As I gain some control over some of my symptoms, this issue, which is not an ADHD issue, is affecting my ADHD issues more than my ADHD issues.  I never thought I'd say this, but I am finally a bigger problem than my ADHD.  I don't know if that's progress or regression.  Gah!  What do you do to stay positive so you stay the course?

ADHDMomof2, aka woman who can't get out of her own way!

P.S.  My husband has been snoring A LOT lately, and I've been up since 3:30 a.m.  I am twitching from both the lack of sleep and sex.  The latter just happened last night, but as usual, almost zero effort was expended on me, which just made me angrier.  No wonder I'm so damn crabby.  God, if I could just take care of those two issues, something tells me I might have a little more spring in my bleeping step...  O.K.  I need to go back to bed.  So grouchy... How did you deal with the lack of sex and still be positive?  You're a guy, and you still maintained a good attitude!  I need a kick in the butt, dude!

 

Hi! ADHDMomof2

Hi ADHDMomof2!!! I drifted away from the site because I think I just needed a break from reading about all the troubled marriages, like mine. I've also been insanely busy at work, which is not a bad thing ;) Sorry I was slow to respond to you, but I had not been on in several days. My email is available through this site, so you can always get me that way.

I wish I could say I've found the secret to moving off this roller coaster. Honestly, I kept going because I did not know what else to do. I thought if I kept working on me, that was all I could do. I cannot make my DW's anger go away and not make her happy. I had felt for a long time that to her, ADD had nothing to do with any of our problems.

About six weeks ago my DW came out of the bedroom with some articles she printed out regarding Jealousy. She said "Since I like to read about ADD, maybe I would want to read these?" I think it was a pretty big break-through. Things have picked up a little after hours, which is good. The problem for me is this "Project: ADHD Marriage" feels like So many projects in my past. I get 75% of the way through it and simply don't know how to finish it. What defines "Back to Normal"? I know... I said "The Word"...

Man... I'm even letting you down, because I don't know how to deliver the "Kick in the Butt". I really wonder if I still am really hard to live with?

YYZ: Your Progress Continues. Be proud :).

Hi back at you:)!!!

So glad to hear that you and your family are O.K.

I did feel better after reading your post and it's so nice to talk to someone who gets how challenging this is.  It sounds like you are making progress with your wife; perhaps that you don't feel secure about it?  But if the two of you are continuing with your "after hours" hobby ;), it sounds like that's a pretty major improvement.  Most women need to feel close to their husbands (guess I am a freak) to want to have that kind of intimacy.  Plus, that she approached you nicely with an article to show you how she has been feeling AND that I'm sure you read it probably made her feel validated, even though there's nothing behind her fears.  Showing that article made her vulnerable to what you think of her, and I'd say that counts as more bricks removed from the wall!

I know what you mean about projects and marriage.  The "project" of marriage is so nebulous, and is somewhat dependent on another person.   What's more, the other project manager might have completely different ideas about what to do, how things are going, and could change their opinion of your work performance at any time.  And there is no official time constraint, no checklist, no official tool to measure progress, and a lot of blind faith.  That must drive your engineering mind mad!

Will add more tomorrow!  Sleep is calling me!

Thanks ADHDMomof2 :)

The Nebulous Marriage Plan and Operations Manual 

I wish this existed. I know it was hard for her to bring me those articles. I read them and looked up more. It was sad to read what drives the insecure thoughts that are so similar to our ADD thoughts. The worst part is that ADD traits/oblivion must stoke the flames of insecurity like no other. Like most of the Non-ADDer's out there, I hope the improvements continue but have seen so many years of behaviors that it sounds too good to be true.

Wow... Is this the shoe on the other foot?

Trust Buckets Work Both Ways :)

YYZ,

I think it's so hard to trust good behavior when it's been so bad for so long.  I commend you for not subconsciously sabotaging it, which I have been guilty of more than once.  I wish I had a more gentle constitution, and was more easygoing, but that's not how I'm wired and it still doesn't absolve of my responsibility to be kind.  Even when I'm hurting from being rejected.  Even when I feel unloved.  Even when I feel trapped in a cruel nightmare which becomes worse when I see sparks of hope and they vanish.  I don't think all of this is in vain, though.  No matter what, I can get something out of this.  Something better out of me. 

I recently read an article in the online version of ADDitude magazine about "blurts" and how while they might represent what you really think (sometimes not, been there), it just conveys an underlying negative attitude.  I try so hard to be consistent and kind, but where I fall short is when I allow myself to be hurt by my husband's words, deeds, or even my misperception of them.  I need to see where he is coming from better, that he has been disappointed by me, like I have been by him.  Think about how bad I feel and realize we might not be so far apart in what we are going through emotionally.  I need to find more compassion for him, even as he is rejecting me.  Tall order, but I could do it...

"I see the sparks of hope and they vanish" - Wow...

That is pretty powerful stuff there ADDMomof2 :)

I believe knowing enough about my DW and how she developed her insecurities. We have discussed in great detail of how we had no examples of successful marriages to look towards. My dad cheated on my mom and there marriage lasted about 1.5 years. My DW's mom and dad lost their first child to cancer and the youngest of the three was very sickly as a baby. They cheated on each other with co-workers, divorced and married the co-workers.

I understand why she is scared to trust and it is easier to expect the worst until proven otherwise. I know the old pre-diagnosis me would not have had the patience to stick through rejection and the anger. I would have done "The Great Escape" for sure. I hope we keep trending upwards, because it would be such a shame to understand the parts that are broken but be too hurt to work it out.

We all have Tall Orders to fill ADDMomof2 and many others out here.

 

This Is Helping Me Make More Sense of MY Role :)

O.K.  Knowing your DW's family history and your own family history, it really, REALLY makes sense why it took so long for her to start to trust you after you confided in a co-worker (even though platonic).   That explains a lot.  It is hard not to repeat the same patterns that you see growing up, but clearly it is possible; you two are solid evidence of that :)!

Ugh...  I don't know what is wrong with me.  Why am I so damn stubborn?  I have been on medication for 11 years and only in the past few have I made sustainable progress with organization, prospective memory, better compensatory techniques for all of my hyperactivity issues.  I am still engaged in an on-again, off-again power struggle with my husband, which brings out my worst symptoms.  I admire that in 3 years you've come so far.  That's crazy, in a really good way.  I could say that I know that my ADHD is pretty severe; however many genes have been discovered so far; I suspect I have most or all of them.  I guess I am also comparing myself to my treated co-workers and a few others I know with ADHD.  But I don't really know how anyone struggles inside and I don't want the severity of my ADHD to be an excuse which hinders my progress.  Maybe they are just as bad as me but have their shit together a little better.  I am thinking about buying the book Melissa recommended, The Dance of Anger.  The title alone makes me think it would be helpful, because my anger is a power struggle against my husband.  I'm trying (vainly, clearly) to protect myself, too.

 "it would be such a shame to understand the parts that are broken but be too hurt to work it out".

Yup.  Exactly.  This is the kick in the butt I needed.

Thank you so much, YYZ.  You're a good dude, and I appreciate your honesty.  You're right, everyone has things they need to work on and I'm not the only one. 

O.K.  One Day At A Time.  I just need to be patient today.  I could do that, and I need to detach myself so his behavior isn't a catalyst for mine.  I'm not an extension of him.  O.K.  Retract claws. 

Thanks.  This is exactly what I needed to hear.

:)ADHDMomof2

P.S.  My dad likes to tell me a story about how when I was 4 years old and arguing with him (shocker) about something stupid (double shocker) and finally he saw my point (also surprising, but I did charm him with my feistiness) and conceded defeat.  I looked up at him incredulously and said, "I WON!" 

Not so cute when you're an adult...;)

The Dance of Anger

I am reading this....nearly done.  It is as Meslissa says, Required Reading for everyone on this site.  I am learning a lot.

Appreciate the Feedback

Thanks, Jenna.  Good to hear from another reviewer and I'm also glad it is helping you!

ADHDMomof2

Many thanks, Jennalemmon.

I purchased the book based on you and Melissa Orlov's recommendation.  I'm about 60 pages in.  It's really amazing, isn't it?   This should be required reading for anyone who is married.  Or simply anyone.  It's crazy how we influence each other's behavior without realizing it on a conscious level, and how we influence our partner in the exact opposite direction of what we would like.  I have been in the situation (which is the least of our issues, but it was still uncanny) where my DH has criticized a decision of my parents, one that would normally make me irate at THEM.  But he would get SO angry about their actions, that I would just get calmer and calmer, and rationalize their ridiculousness.  I didn't even realize that that was the reason I was doing that.

I am totally prepared to do what I need to do to change my role in this pattern.  My therapist will be thrilled.  She has often noted my reluctance to engage him on uncomfortable topics, because I know going in that one or both of us will get too aggressive (verbally), I will start off with my opinion (aggressive or otherwise) and he might brow-beat me out of it with his considerable debate skills and wield his anger as a weapon to subdue his stubborn wife. 

How is it this difficult to manage one's anger as an adult?  You'd think I'd have figured it out by now... Oh, well.  At least I'm on to something good.

:) ADHDMomof2

Kick in the Butt (Don't we all need one ;)

"My dad likes to tell me a story about how when I was 4 years old and arguing with him (shocker) about something stupid (double shocker) and finally he saw my point (also surprising, but I did charm him with my feistiness) and conceded defeat.  I looked up at him incredulously and said, "I WON!"

My DD#2 started this dance with me when she was about 2 years old :) YEARS before I knew why it was happening. She is 10 now and so precious to me. After my DX and a little reading it was so obvious she had my curse/gift/special feature/defect and when I spend close time with her (She loves to go walking with me ;) we talk about how our minds work a little differently. She usually tells me about something going on at school and then we talk through the event and possible explanations of each response from her and the others involved. She really gets what I'm saying. Now she will tell me about something and say how her "Race Car Brain" affected something and say she wished "The Brakes" would have kicked in sooner. I hope a little understanding at this early age will help keep that Darkness from clouding her mind.

I am just like you regarding the high tolerance for meds. I also have a high pain tolerance. After a dental surgery recently, I took the prescribed hydocodone the day of the surgery, because if you let the pain start it is hard to slow down. I did not think I needed it, but better safe than sorry. I never even took a motrin from day 2 on... Even taking the hydrocodone 500mg, I don't feel anything good or bad. Anyone else like this?????

Why am I so damn stubborn? Check, me too

"I am still engaged in an on-again, off-again power struggle with my husband, which brings out my worst symptoms." Check, My DW and I have always said we are both this way

"I'm trying (vainly, clearly) to protect myself, too." Check - Is this not Survival 101, genetic code in All of us? Dropping the shields opens our defenses (Adder's and Non-ADDer's alike)

I take 20 / 20 / 10 - 20mg of adderall a day. The last dose based on the specific day's requirements. My DD#1 (age 15) takes 60mg of Vyvanse a day. She was a surprise diagnosis that I completely missed for several months of a very scary dark period for her. Depressed, hopeless, lost interest in everything and cutting?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?! We were TERRIFIED... My DW (Still TOTALLY angry about the subject of ADD) finally asked me if I thought she had ADD, in desperation. My first thought was "No", then I suddenly started processing all the little things I knew about her and what was happening in her life and it was obviously possible. Nobody ever knew I had it, being the master of "Flying under the radar" and being the good kid nobody had to worry about. She had started high school last year and was taking all advanced courses along with band and choir. "SHE was juggling TOO Many Oranges" this was how my ADD was discovered. Over-Whelming Anxiety and fears of failure.

I believe her diagnosis softened my DW's view of ADD, because my DD's reaction to the Vyvanse was as dramatic as my reaction to Adderall.

Time seems to be SLOWLY lowering the Shield Levels. "One day at a Time" is SO easy to say, isn't it???

Thanks for your kind words ADDMomof2 :) Part of me has felt like I could not help anyone at all on this site for a while. My own life is not exactly a story which shows I know much of anything.

We ALL deserve a little happiness at in our homes. NJTWINMOM... YOU deserve some happiness FOR SURE!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope your husband figures all this out, if he does not, You do deserve some peace. Like we all know so well, We can't fix anyone ourselves.

 

medication and self-medication

YYZ,

Yep.    I don't feel anything from narcotics except maybe a little nausea.  The one exception was when I had Demerol, but apparently it's been taken off the market due to seizures.    But...it was wonderful; ha-ha.  These were all for medical use only. 

Pain tolerance.  After I had had knee surgery, my surgeon said to me "How did you function???"  I had been running on it prior, and like a moron, had completely removed the cartilage in one part.  Had to have micro fracture surgery to build it back up.   Of course, after having a kid, pain is relative.  That said, I probably still would have run on it.  Like the stubborn mule I am.  But I have since learned my lesson and now listen to my body better.

Sometimes, it's hard to tell what is ADHD and what is not- and I deal with it daily on the job.  So many things mimic it:  depression, anxiety, bi-polar, and just being a teenager.  That your daughter is a low-key "good girl"  must have made it so much more difficult to detect.  Honestly, it's those super spazzy ADHD boys who garner most of the attention in class; because they make your job that much more difficult (O.K., interesting, and sometimes hilariously distracting, but REALLY challenging). 

As far as cutting goes, I am so sorry you and your family had to go through that.  It is more common than I want to accept.  I've seen all kinds of girls cut, but the scariest for me was a girl I had a few years back.  She was a high achiever, funny, personable, and talented.  She seemed to have it together.  She had perfect pitch.  In fact, before I knew she could sing, I had asked her if she could, because even her spoken voice had a musical quality to it.  She was so talented.  One day she came into class pissed off that her guidance counselor thought she was cutting.  She was telling me and the few kids who had arrived in class (her friends) that it was stupid and that there was no way she would ever do that, and could we ever imagine her doing something like that?  I honestly couldn't.  In fact, I went to the guidance counselor and asked her if she was sure and repeated what she had said (I normally keep a great secret, but this was too important).  It turns out that she was, in fact, cutting.  I COULD NOT believe it.  I am really good, if I may say, at reading kids.   Divining my husband's thoughts, not so much, but my students, yes.  I'm not delusional.  One of the guidance counselors keeps trying to nudge me toward taking her job once she retires, and administrators and other guidance counselors note how well I read them and what they are willing to share with me.  A number of parents tell me I'm the only one who understands their kid.  I am not saying this to toot my own horn; I am just saying that in case you didn't notice right away, in case you and your wife have been beating yourself up about this.  I am not easily fooled by kids, and this little 14 year old completely duped me.  The school psychologist had known her personally for years and was in shock, and she is both very analytical and intuitive, and damned gifted at her job.  Very astute.    But then she told me that there is a subgroup of kids who cut, and they completely fool the world.  They are the super high-achieving girls who have too much on their plate and need some way of blowing off steam because they are basically human pressure cookers.  They are also people pleasers, highly secretive about their bad coping mechanism because it brings them shame-and relief.  Unlike some kids who cut and make no attempt to hide it because they want the attention, these girls try desperately to hide it, because they don't know how else to deal with the tension they experience.  

Do you think this was how she was self-medicating as well?  Has she had any relapses since?  Will she talk to you about it?  Obviously, your daughter is intrinsically motivated, despite her ADHD.  But it would definitely interfere with the volume of what she could accomplish.  I hope you don't blame yourself.  There are some kids who are afraid of their parents/the consequences, and that's the source of their stress.  Then there are people like your daughter (and me, though I never cut) who put pressure on themselves... I'd bet anything that if you ever saw her put pressure on herself, you would tell her that whatever she could do was fine and that there was no need to stress.

I think you are right about the Darkness. Think about it; she received a dx almost 30 years before you, so she will learn to cope and avoid the pitfalls.  Plus, if her learning curve is anything like yours, she's golden:)!

I'm glad the Vyvanse is working.  My dad didn't used to "believe" in ADHD later (sorry-to me, that's like not "believing" the Earth is round; but that's because I live it).  Now after experiencing my son and I on medication, and especially most recently before and after his med increase (DH finally acquiesced, and he sees the difference), he is certain.  He said "I was getting mad at him, and then when I saw him after the medication increase, I told myself that it was stupid to get mad."  Your DW will come around.  Especially based on what you've already said.

ADHDMomof2:)

 

 

Honey, she brought you an article

Whatever this was, was possibly important to her. How did you react? Guess I'm hoping as a wife you actually met her need? The fact an interaction cannot be followed through is so painful for a spouse can't even begin to explain. Definitely hoping there's more to the story.

I was so surprised...

She was very unsure of how to bring them to me, but I know it must have been hard on her. It would be hard for me to do this. I told her I would read the articles and after I did I looked up more on the subject of jealousy. I've known where the roots of this comes from in her. Things have improved and I just hope they keep going this direction. We have talked through situations that cause her mind to race, I understand a racing mind.

One day at a time is my plan, but this was a break through that we really needed.

Me Too :(

YYZ

Sorry, I didn't know you were missing simply because I was missing as well.  When I first found the site, and at a few different times here and there, I really appreciate it here.  Nice to be validated.  Nice to see I am not alone in living with an ADHD partner and the insanity it can bring into a marriage, and a family and a home.  But lately, oh lately I just can't be part of it.  I am so sad and so tired about reading about these ongoing dramas and issues that couples have that NEVER EVER SEEM TO END. (exception....DIVORCE)

Things here have been at another low.  He's playing with his medicine...alot...too much....and I have noticed he is unable to fall asleep. Found out he DOUBLED UP on his pills mid day.  The issue with Adderall, and any other ADHD meds is that they wear off too soon.  Taking the same dose twice a day is one thing, but doubling up midday is insane.  I told him this and that we needed to either come up with another plan or he needs to see the Psychiatrist again.  I actually have to leave the bedroom now when he tries to get to sleep.  he used to nod off TV on, light on, me on laptop, now EVERYTHING annoys him.  I don't hear him snore anymore either, so I doubt he is even getting into the much needed REM sleep.

He is angry with me, because I have not been thrilled with him lately.  He says rude things out of impulse and then claims it's just because "we" didn't understand how HE MEANT it.  Now he is back to lying and keeping things from me (peculiar little things), playing games (he says no) but they really are.  It's like he's not even medicated at all anymore.  He knows I have reached the end of my rope, and that his million and a half "second chances" are all used up.  Anytime I read or show concern or anything related to his ADHD he now calls me "Doc".  Gives me the "oh, you know everything".

Frankly, I know NOTHING.  I truly believed when he got the diagnosis and actually moreso, began the medication, he cared.  He really and truly cared and was going to do everything within his power to overcome some/most/all of the obstacles brought on by the untreated/unmedicated ADHD.  He apparently can't/won't, and frankly I am simply devastated.  I see no hope at all on the horizon.  I see a miserable life with 2 miserable people, who did actually love each other very, very much at one time, or a divorce, which does not ever really mean happiness, just relief.

Sorry for my rambling.  It's all sooooo sad.....so very, very sad.

 

I'm sorry NJTWINMOM

I'm really sorry you guys are stuck in this place. I had to step away for a bit, because I wondered if I was reading all these posts about things Not Improving was stalling my own efforts.

As for the 2X doses, you are right, take a third dose instead of doubling one. My third dose is kind of a viable one. Most normal work days I take 1/2 dose (Adderall 10mg) at 4pm, to finish out the day. Fi I have an intense work late day, I would take the full 20mg. On the weekends, if by some miracle I get to sleep past 8am, I might only take 2 doses that day. I usually get up at 4:45am on the workdays. Until recently, we seemed pretty stuck with regards to jealousy. My DW did some reading and is working on this. I am also trying to continue to do things to help keep her from wondering. I try to always call or text if I'm stuck at work. If I go out to lunch, I'll mention the who/where later. I don't go to happy hour much, but if I do I tell her in advance and I don't stay out past 8pm or so. I know my past lack of doing these things contributed to her insecurities, because she would wait for me to say something and I usually would not, then the fight comes and round and round we went. Two low self-esteems working out of sync.

I am hopeful things will continue to trend upwards. It would be very sad for it to go the other way, like you said, where only relief could come from a split.

I'm really sorry things have been so bad for you. You seem to have done so much work trying to understand and accommodate his ADD.

Medication Rumination

NJTWINMOM,

Yeah, he should not be doubling up his meds.  And it sounds like he's experiencing some bad side effects, like insomnia and irritability, which really help concentration and focus.  Nothing like a loss of REM sleep to aid executive functioning!

The meds do wear off too soon, and that's why I (like my bud, YYZ) also take 3 doses a day.  1 full dose of Focalin XR in the morning (60 mg; I have always had a ridiculously high pain tolerance to ALL types of medications, and the crazy thing is that I have never been one to self-medicate with anything but exercise), then I take 20 mg of short-acting Focalin in the afternoon and another 60 mg XR in the evening.  Actually, I take the 60 mg in the evening to help me sleep (and it works, because my high dosage is just right for me, and it calms down the hyperactive superstorm in my brain.  Clearly, your husband has a lower threshold, as do most people.  My psychiatrist has told me I take the highest dose of Focalin he has ever prescribed, and I'm the only of his patients who takes 3 dosages a day.  But like a lot of women, I'm not afraid of advocating for myself in the doctor's office.  I'm O.K. with doing whatever I need to help myself, in so much as I am not hurting anyone else.  

In my case, my meds work just fine; it's me I need to work on.  I've been working on the mechanics of doing and remembering, now I need to put equal focus on accepting that my husband has his own issues due to his family of origin, and showing more compassion for how both his childhood and the "ADHD effect," and the "Me" effect have brought us to this point. 

I hope your husband can get to the point where he sees what he is doing is not working.  I would suggest he get his own therapist/ADHD coach, but based on the sarcastic responses you're getting, I'm not sure how amenable he would be to that...

Good luck, and try to take care of yourself so you have some reserve.   It sounds like a very trying situation.

ADHDMomof2

Hi and Thanks

Thanks for addressing my post.

I also have a very high tolerance to medications and need much higher doses.  Husband is the opposite.  When it comes to ADHD drugs though, I was advised that really means nothing because its the level of ADHD you are dealing with.  The Psychologist said he has seen skinny, tiny little 8 year old girls on 40mg of Adderall twice a day and large, grown men who can do 20mg twice a day and be fine.  That's just what I was told anyway.

Husband is trying to play with the dosages, but rather than speak with me, I am much more well read on all this than he is, and a medical professional to boot, he would rather just do it himself.  I have no clue what he did with his meds yesterday, but I do know that we were at his Moms and by 9:45 he was like "we need to go home" "are you ready to go home".  We got home, he went straight to bed and he slept for 12 hours straight (unheard of for him...EVER...even before meds) he also told me that he overslept for work on Friday by an hour.  It's catching up with him, all this unmonitored playing around with the meds and I fear he will crash and burn soon.  Hopefully all the extra sleep he has gotten in the past few days will carry over til Monday and hopefully, he will not be so stupid(yes I said it) and take medication the way he feels like taking it rather than the way the doctor prescribed OR a normal variation thereof.

Trying situation is an understatement.  I HAVE HAD IT.  He needs so much more help than he is getting.  He also needs to really try to make improvements on his own, which he is not doing AT ALL.  He is rude, disruptive, secretive and of course angry.  I have done more than enough.  I should have left years ago when I still had my self-esteem and sanity, but I didn't.  Also, he has reached the point where he sees and knows none of what he is doing thus far is working, but it just appears HE DOES NOT CARE.  It's all so devastatingly heartbreaking. 

And I'm so sorry that you are

And I'm so sorry that you are experiencing so much pain. 

I wish I had something more helpful to say.

I Agree with ADDMomof2

I am bad at saying helpful things to people when they need it most, but I hope you get some kind of peace soon.

interesting

So it isn't because my liver metabolizes medication like a woodchipper? My ADHD IS worse; that's why my tolerance is so high. Well, that was a theory I had, so that explains the extent of my struggle. But, it doesn't excuse my issues. My "smart" phone keeps scrolling right, so I'll add more later. Thanks for the insight.

The Dr said

To us Adders frequently have abnormal rates of absorption for medication. I'm assuming it's true, based on my research.

Wondering...

All kinds of medication?  What is the cause of this?  Thanks!

ADHDMomof2

Variance

I definitely have variations in how I feel day to day. I am very consistent will my generic Adderall, but I guess there are many other things affecting my state O mind. If I get my morning and evening walks in, I feel better. I don't get enough sleep most of the time either.

With regards to absorption, Pain meds don't have much affect on me and I rarely take even an advil, but sometimes I can have two drinks and Woah... Other times the same two drinks and no big deal.

YYZ

That's kind of anyone, I have observed.  Prescription medication is different.

Drinking varies.  There are times I could have 2 "really good" Margaritas and feel NOTHING and other times a mere glass of wine sends me buzzing.  Doesn't always have to do with whether I've eaten or not, or anything.  Sometimes it's just mood that decides how the alcohol will make you feel.

NJTWINMOM

I wish the drinks were a bit more predictable. Funny how the mood effects the effects :)

So true

Every now and then you just want to have a good old buzz......doesn't happen.....other times (and oddly enough I rarely drink) good old glass of sangria will make me loopy, when all  I wanted was just a nice glass of sangria with dinner.

I have ALWAYS had issue myself with meds regardless of the situation.  Some people have a 5mg Valium and relax.  Me, 10 and still nothing, so I don't take it.  Let me explain I had issues with my neck years back.  Took the MD route, as working for Dr's myself, they convinced me that was the way to go.  Robaxin (muscle relaxant) most folks 750mg every 4-6 hours, and they are relaxed and sleepy.  I needed 750 mg every 2 hours for two days to get through a bad neck spasm, and that's ALL it did for me. Wound up seeing a chirporactor and thank GOD I did.....after about 6-8 "adjustments" I felt better than after any pill I had ever taken..... Right before my emergency hysterectomy, (and I was in some pretty fierce pain, because I am a pretty tough chick...LOL) while in the ER they gave me 2mg of Dilaudid.....DID NOTHING......about a half hour later they gave me 2mg more.....STILL NOTHING.  Finally they got me pain free (for the most part) but still wide awake and rarin to go on 8mg every 3 hours.  It scares me in a way because I see the kind of pain people can be in.  Chronic agonizing pain, and on meds continuously and I think what the HELL would happen to me??  Typically it seems if I took enough of anything to truly be pain free, it would be "lights out" for me :(

As I said in another post, most time I refuse the meds and stick with my Advil. I don't want to get addicted to anything.

YYZ

I never said anything about you replying to me....I'm confused. 

I did not word my post too well, NJTWINMOM

When I first saw your 2am post, I was thinking about commenting at the time about how early in the morning it was. I did not think you expected me to respond. I see now that my comment looked confusing. Sorry...

YYZ

It's o-tay!

NJTWINMOM

Excellent...

What were we talking about? :)

He-he

I giggled to myself when I read that.  For some reason, it reminded me of me last night.  I was getting my son out of the tub and talking to him, and my husband asked me a question, I got distracted, responded anyway, and then I think I asked him to repeat the question, not remembering I had even answered  it until he lost his temper.  He went on and on about how could I possibly answer a question without even realizing I had answered it (uh...distraction/working memory issues)...  It seems to me to be a question of the rhetorical variety... Especially from someone who constantly tells me that I should just focus on the task at hand (sage advice; seriously).  Well... I was applying that advice when he distracted me with his question.  I had to try to stifle my laughter, it was so ridiculous. 

I can imagine I must be frustrating, and yet to treat this type of issue like it's a question of my character, just.  seems. CRAZY.

O.K. I'm editing this now because it was intended as a response to YYZ's comment "What were we talking about?" and NJTWINMOM, it went to you instead.  I wasn't trying to be argumentative with you, so hopefully, you are not reading the original version right now.  Pressing "SAVE!"

It's Ok I guess

Never saw anything argumentative.  If it was something geared that way toward me, all I would ask is why?

Did i Do or SAY something?

I thought he was talking to me...IDK now.

HI NJTWINMOM :)

O.K. Good.  It was entirely directed toward YYZ and his ADHD comment of "What were we talking about?" and why that made me laugh.  But as the story I relayed poked fun at my husband and how he was aggravated at me for forgetting, I didn't want you to think that the comment was because of your "Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...." comment.  YYZ made me laugh before you had even responded.  Does that make sense?  I don't always ;).

ADHDMomof2