Forum topic: Finances and Broken Trust

As I viewed my posts, it has been over 4 years since I joined this forum. My husband and I have been struggling since married (43 years) and now all has come to a head.

We had serious discussion, set in writing, in February 2025 that he would no longer use retirement funds (in both our names) to support his business. An occurrence 2 weeks ago forced him to make emotional decision to withdraw $100,000 without any word to me until yesterday, December 28 (this was contrary to our agreement in February). I showed him agreement, he acknowledged he did not abide by it, but blamed his bad decision to not tell me due to lack of sleep, emotional distress, etc.

This is not the first time this has occurred. He has shown me who he is, but due to our long marriage and my love for him, I tried to make things work on my own, mostly to my detriment. I now have NO TRUST in him. I will be removing him from all bank accounts today to protect myself.

The past 8 1/2 years have been very hard on both of us as we have cared for all 4 very elderly parents (guardianship, severe dementia in 3 of them, moving to facilities, etc.). Mom is the final one left and will be 96 in March; she is in assisted living now, but as an only child I am daily involved in her care, especially as her memory is now diminishing.

Should I just abandon the long marriage and tell myself this will NEVER change? We have done various therapists over the years but it has not helped (maybe that IS my answer). We were just now starting to revisit doing a “retirement house” that we had to abandon in 2017 when our 3 parents declined. How can I build a new house with someone who will do whatever they feel is necessary for their business at the time, without even keeping me informed?

I am on the verge of retiring (late) since I was continuing to work to save funds for the new house. I now feel as if I have been very foolish in my decisions.

Recommendations appreciated.