Forum:
We’re navigating a separation where ADHD plays a big role (time blindness, conflict spirals, paperwork overwhelm). If you used mediation instead of a full court battle, what made it easier/harder?
Things I’m curious about:
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How you handled appointment scheduling and follow-through (reminders, shared calendars?)
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Whether mediators adapted for ADHD (shorter sessions, visual agendas)
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Costs you didn’t expect (extra sessions, document prep)
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Tips for keeping discussions concrete and not rehashing old fights
Comments
What helped during separation
I'm sorry you're going through this. My ex husband and I were able to skip both courts and a mediator by:
-Maintaining a civil/positive relationship rooted in kindness. Not turning it into a battle made staying out of court possible, which benefitted everyone.
-Recognizing how hard emotionally this was for everyone. I had been in the process of accepting we were heading for separation for years, while he had stayed in denial. I needed to accept that he needed processing time before he could attend to the separation legalities with a clearer head.
-Doing as much myself as possible. I managed 99% of the process and kept pressing it forward (I am the non-ADHD partner). While this is bad advice when staying in the relationship, I kept telling myself that this was the last time I would have to do everything and I was motivated to get our family to the other side of this process.
This was a difficult time because I was the one who wanted to split and my then-partner had absolutely zero investment in helping us move a separation forward. There were a couple of times where external pressures were the only way to move things along (e.g. the weight of a house deal that would have fallen through without his signature). Sometimes it came to that.
I was lucky because though he didn't make it easy, my husband was a fair person at heart. We split everything 50/50 and our child ended up living with me via his inaction, which was what I was hoping for and what was best for our family.