Recent forum posts (all topics)

So, I posted here last week about leaving my ADHD husband. I was staying with a friend. After some days I met with my husband to talk at a cafe. It was a very hard conversation just like every other one we've ever had. He was angry and defensive and blaming. But in the end he softened up as he started to understand that he did not have to blow up at me, yet again. And he realized I was serious about leaving.

I just posted a reply in "can ADHD make nons too empathetic" but, tbh this is something I've been trying to clarify my thoughts on for a little while and been meaning to write a topic about - somehow it all came together in response to Swedish Coast's topic and figured it was probably worth a separate thread (feel free to delete/not approve that reply if needed - also I've no idea what to categorise this so apologies if the category doesn't fit!)

After a conversation with a friend I started to think about empathy. My friend has a healthy integrity. She has a respected position in a caring profession. With all her resourcefulness, she is also kinder than most. She humorously described some interactions she's had with close relatives lately. She's intrigued by not being understood by them at all. Her relatives seem to mindlessly take advantage of her generosity without showing any consideration for her needs. I recognized this.

NT partner brings up an issue to me (Dx'd) and I struggle with giving him the space to state his feelings, and even moreso, i struggle with validating those feelings without getting defensive.

Hi all,

 

first post here. I (M, non-ADHD) have a wife who has not (yet) been diagnosed, but shows all the symptoms of ADHD and RSD. Together for 16 years and 3 kids. I have read both books from Melissa, as well as another book (Is it You, Me or ADHD), and 2 other books to work on myself to deal with the parent-child pattern better and take care of myself and my own boundaries better.

Non-ADHD spouse, 17 year marriage. Spouse diagnosed about a year ago. After 17 years of marriage, I’ve had to let my standards for cleanliness and order go. I’ve had to endure him blaming me for clutter - which is all his our our children’s. I’ve had to endure him calling me crazy for trying to connect, needy or too sensitive for trying to talk through issues (related to him or not), and of course been the target of RSD rages. He is helpful and has good coping mechanisms for ADHD, notably rigidity and strict conformance to what he self-assigns as “his” chores.

So I am leaving him finally, my ADHD husband. I don't know how. Right now I am staying at a friend's house. I have no idea what I'm going to do next or how I will move forward but I am certain that I must leave. 

My ADHD partner and I both recently bought over the ear headphones.

So I got an email from my abusive ex after not hearing from him for over 3 years. He is right where he was previously with no apparent ability to move on. He first sent me a video of a romantic song, then launched into a tirade of how I am a monster who betrayed him by leaving, ruined him financially, and turned him away from seeking relationships with other women. He said I have a "pattern" of leaving relationships "after only 10-12 years because he knew my marriage lasted 12 years and I dumped him after 11 years. Yep, it's still all my fault, according to him, that he's still alone and broke without a job. 

Just read, or rather, listened to the book because I also have dyslexia and am enthusiastic about getting diagnosed and finally getting help although my wife doesn't share my enthusiasm because I've caused so much harm to our relationship.