Two concepts/problems in one here:
Is it an indigenous trait of ADHDs to take the circuitous route to address a fairly straightforward task? Why does it seem they will make things more difficult or complicated not only for themselves but for their partner by creating unnecessary or irrelevant 'steps'? Even when shown a simpler, more direct and ultimately less confusing path, they not only balk but actually become defensive or accusatory that we are expecting too much of them. When, in fact and IMO & what we non-ADHDs are trying to share is an easier les convoluted approach to a problem.
Everything lately between my ADHD husbad and I has become an adversarial battleground of logic:
- I say/share/suggest;
- He interprets and invents almost paranoid inferences & becomes defensive;
- I try to clarify
- He parrots exactly what he previously said initially. No further input or clarification
- I recount the entire conversation (wish I carried a voice activated recorder)
- He changes story and says he was thinking that (which I initially suggested) all along.
- Me: "Why didn't you just say that in the first place. Just tell me?"
- He: "I don't know"
- I: "You promised you'd be clearer and tell me what you were thinking at the time"
-
He: "I'm working on that".
He's been "working on that" for several years. Along w/the ambiguous/obligatory promises, which now are meaningless to me.
How long does one wait for the work not ony to be finished, but to at least see some evidence that the working is in progress at least?
Rambling again. Bad weekend. Bad week. Bad night. Same O. Same O. Getting very tired. Physically & emotionally. Hanging on by very thin thread these days. Too old & too many years invested in the marriage to leave. And not yet ready to die.
