“It matters not where or how far you travel…but how much alive you are.”
- Henry David Thoreau
One of the things that attracted me to my husband was how much energy he has. He is truly alive – thinking all the time, enjoying his life, open to doing new things, ready to jump!
This sounds like many ADHD adults, and one of the things that saddens me is when the trials and troubles of life start to extinguish their fire. There are lots of ‘good reasons’ this happens, most of which have to do with ‘settling down’ and ‘acting like an adult’ - AKA ‘being more responsible.’ Being RELIABLE makes a good partner, to be sure, but this can be done poorly. Too much attention to being responsible is like putting a wet blanket on your life. If you always choose to do the chore because you must, then days, months, even years pass without the fuel that passions can provide.
Non-ADHD partners – overwhelmed with too much to do, also suffer greatly from becoming ‘too responsible.’ I know I sure did!
The most successful adults – ADHD or not – are those who let some fire and passion into their lives. They are purpose driven and eager. Open to new ideas. Willing to explore. They save at least some time to ‘play’ with things and ideas that are important to them. I’m lucky – my work is a passion. I also ‘play’ with music, bike riding, and life-long learning.
How about you? Do you have enough ‘play’ in your life to feel fulfilled? I’m not advocating all play and no work (as you might well end up out on the street!) but a balance. As Thoreau asks…how alive are you?
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For those in marriages impacted by ADHD
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at adhdmarriage.com, including free:
- Online treatment overview;
- Downloadable chapters of my books;
- A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
- A large number of blog posts on various topics;
Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships.