To Change…

ADHD & Marriage News - October 25, 2017

Quote of the Week

“You never change things by fighting the existing reality.  To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete."

- Buckminster Fuller

To Change…

When I talk with couples about improving their relationship I urge them to think in terms of having two distinct relationships – the ‘old’ relationship, and the ‘new’ one.  I want them to leave the old one behind and start fresh – using their new understanding of ADHD to radically alter how they both behave, and committing to contributing their ‘best selves’ to the relationship…moving away from destructive patterns such as parent/child dynamics and chore wars.

That means stopping the focus on ‘where we’ve been’ and asking instead ‘what’s our ideal relationship?  What do we want to build?’  And then…’How would I behave if I were in that relationship?’  This focus on today and tomorrow, rather than yesterday, makes a huge difference in terms of your growth.

You can't do this alone- BOTH partners must help define their future, then ‘behave their way into it,’ showing compassion and individual strength.  But think about it – don’t you want to make the ‘existing model’ of your relationship extinct?  Fuller has it exactly right.


Melissa Orlov will present at the CHADD International Conference on ADHD November 11 - Atlanta, GA (Lecture & Q&A)

For those in marriages impacted by ADHD

You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at, including free:

  • -   Online treatment overview;

    -   Downloadable chapters of my books;

    -   A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;

      -   A large number of blog posts on various topics;

      -   Referrals.

Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships.

Is your relationship in pretty good shape but you'd love to feel closer? Consider my self-study seminar Recovering Intimacy in Your Relationship.

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. can literally change your life!  Question? Contact Melissa.

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© 2017 Melissa Orlov