“Unless you’re inside an ADHD brain, it’s hard to fathom how much it dominates your life."
- Linda Roggli
Roggli wouldn’t put it this way, but I will. Non-ADHD partners have no clue how hard it can be to manage an ADHD brain! Here are just a few descriptions from ADHD adults about what it’s like to have that mind:
• Like popcorn popping in my head all the time
• Like having 59 TVs blaring in my head all at once.
• Like having faulty windshield wipers on your car – sometimes you can see clearly, but often it’s a real blur
• Like having the Library of Congress in your head with no card catalogue.
These quotes speak to (in order) the speed, noisiness, inconsistency/obstruction, and lack of order of the ADHD brain. Now take a moment and imagine what it would be like to write a research paper if your brain was filled with TONS of information, only some of which was relevant, and you had to find just the right information in ‘the Library of Congress with no card catalogue!’
The more I work with adults with ADHD, the more I admire their willingness to manage their ADHD brains – creating systems that work for them. And the good news is that research strongly supports the claim that those who really work to optimize their ADHD treatment CAN manage their ADHD brains. But to non-ADHD partners out there – remember that it is about ‘management’ not ‘cure.’ So it takes extra effort and time to be productive.
If you’ve ever wondered why it takes an ADHD partner longer to do the same thing…now you know.
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at adhdmarriage.com, including free:
- Online treatment overview;
- Downloadable chapters of my books;
- A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
- A large number of blog posts on various topics;
Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next live session begins in January 2018.