Exploring Your Partner

ADHD & Marriage News - August 24, 2017

Quote of the Week

“Shift from performance to exploration…"

- Ad for a mindful seminar about ‘relations in bed’

Exploring Your Partner

If I write the “S” word in this tip your spam filter won’t send this to you, but you know what I mean by ‘relations in bed,’ right?!

A lot of you are having real trouble with S.  That’s not a surprise, it’s one of the first things affected when you start to struggle, as there are so many psychological and physical factors that go into having a happy S life.

Common ones that I’ve encountered in my counseling:

One or both partners is too angry

One partner is unconsciously ‘punishing’ the other by withholding S

Non-ADHD partners feel S is the only time the ADHD partner pays attention and resents that (solution – improve symptoms to be less distracted at other times!)

A ‘controlling’ or anxious partner is too directive in general and also in the bedroom, upping the pressure on the S life

Partners haven’t had S for a long time and don’t know how to ‘restart’ – it feels overwhelming

If you are experiencing any of these you are certainly not alone!  And, I’m here to tell you that you can get it back!  First you have to improve the context of your relationship – calming things and learning more about each other…that’s what happens at my site adhdmarriage.com.

But after that, I urge couples to find a time that feels ‘okay enough’ and then stop worrying about performance, and just explore and have fun.  Don’t wait until you ‘know’ you can have that fun…that time may never come.  (Women – are you listening?!)  It feels risky…but setting your goal as ‘exploring my partner’ rather than more than that can help you get started again sooner and enjoy it more.

So…talk about this (don’t expect your partner to read your mind in this important area!)…and off you go!


Is your relationship in pretty good shape but you'd love to improve your 'S life'? Consider my self-study seminar Recovering Intimacy in Your Relationship. 

For those in marriages impacted by ADHD

You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at adhdmarriage.com, including free:

  • -   Online treatment overview;

    -   Downloadable chapters of my books;

    -   A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;

      -   A large number of blog posts on various topics;

      -   Referrals.

Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. It starts October 3rd. Register here.

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life!  Question? Contact Melissa.

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© 2017 Melissa Orlov