Are You Drifting?


ADHD & Marriage - Weekly Marriage Tip - March 5, 2014

Heart to Heart

Tips for Thriving in your Marriage

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Friends can have a subtly negative influence (when they) cause you to drift away from your core self and, consequently, from aspirations most suited to you.  Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project, defines the concept of “drift” as ‘the decision you make by not deciding.’”

- Carlin Flora, Author of “Friendfluence”



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Are You Drifting?

I watch this ‘drift’ happen in many of my couples. For ADHD partners, it often seems easier to ‘go with the flow’ than it does to tackle a tough relationship or life problem that seems overwhelming.  When you do this, your life ends up being one of reacting to what happens to you, rather than creating direction.

Partners without ADHD also frequently ‘drift.’ By focusing on responding to a partner’s ADHD symptoms, for example, they may well lose track of how they create good things in their lives. I’ve had many adults (both with and without ADHD) tell me that after years of struggle, they no longer even like themselves.

The whole process of “setting boundaries’ that I describe in The ADHD Effect on Marriage is about refinding your core self. If you are struggling with not feeling as if you are “you” any more, I suggest you consider reading this chapter. (The book can be found at many libraries, if you don’t own it.)


The next couple's seminar starts April 15.  You can find out more information at this link.

For those in marriages impacted by ADHD
If you or your spouse has ADHD, please join our forum at to ask your questions and learn from others who share your issues.  In addition, you'll find in-depth essays and a terrific recorded in-depth seminar to help you learn how to thrive in a marriage affected by ADHD.
Hope to hear from you there!
Melissa Orlov

© 2014 Melissa Orlov