Broader Connection

ADHD & Marriage News - October 1, 2025

Quote of the Week

“I think that, really, what is essential at this moment, especially when we have just one person to give us what an entire village should be providing, is that we create boundaries, routines, and rituals.”

- Esther Perel

I read an article recently about how couples, and men in particular, are becoming more isolated. Perel alludes to this in the quote above with the ‘one person giving what an entire village should be giving’ idea.

I find this trend alarming. Broader connection is so important that Ned Hallowell calls it ‘the other Vitamin C.’ Further, it’s not fair (nor healthy) to ask one’s partner to shoulder the burden of providing all of one’s feedback, support, and input. Not sexy, either.

Don’t misunderstand – romantic partners need deep connections with each other to thrive. But not ALL connections in one place.

Perel talks about boundaries, routines and rituals as a solution to this issue. But her suggestions still focus on the intimate partner. I would add one more item – connection outside the relationship. A network, if well nurtured, is likely stronger than any one individual bond in providing broad support. With effort, most people can create a stronger outside network.

If you don’t feel you have a support network beyond your partner, it’s time to get going! And don’t let being busy be an excuse. Our lives are a compendium of what we choose to spend our attention on…and this is important! So reach out and start nurturing some other peeps! You might:

Find an active local club full of people with a common interest (environmental group; woodworking group; school volunteer group; birdwatching etc etc)
Sign up for an active workshop or class of interest (art; cooking; motorcycle riding; bike safety). Invite one participant for lunch and swap stories.
Join an exercise class, walking group or bike club. Find out who goes to the coffee bar afterwards and see if you might join in.
Consider volunteering for something with your religious organization, library or local community.
If you’re musical, join a community or church chorus. Once-a-week rehearsals can get you out and introduce you to new people.

Try to find something that helps you be physically involved in person, not just online, which (I would posit) provides the semblance of connection but isn’t as good at providing genuine, deep connection as in-person activities.

Do you have a strong network?

IT'S NOT TOO LATE:

➤ Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Just started last week. Learn from last week's recording and join in now. REGISTER NOW

Seminars, Groups:

Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - (Registration Ongoing) i2a helps couples impacted by ADHD find practical strategies, a safe space to work through challenges, and a supportive community of peers. Our mission is to equip you with actionable expert guidance, a reduced sense of isolation, and foster real, lasting change in your relationships. Learn more and sign up here!

"Prior to all this I felt very alone, that I was going crazy, that I was losing it -- bc no one I knew was going through what I was going through. LIke, what's wrong with me that my marriage is in such shambles! Why did it all impact me so much? Being part of i2a and hearing that I'm not alone and that there are a whole group of people out there that deal with some variation of what I'm dealing with, and I always get something from what others' share. Whether it's realizing that I'm not alone, or someone is dealing with something I'm dealing with, or they found a tip that helps me...between the camaraderie of the group, and different ways of looking at things. Oh my gosh -- I'm not alone! And it's not necessarily me -- it's the situation we're in, it's no one's fault. (Non-ADHD Partner)

Live ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - ➤ REGISTER NOW It's not too late to join. Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD. Mental Health Professionals, learn about our Affiliates Program.

The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing) Move at your own pace. Includes materials & recordings from recent live seminar lessons and Q&As. 3 months of Office Hours to support your learning! Military and Mental Health Professional discounts.

Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Full) Join a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship.

Foundations in Habit Development - This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.

ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Ongoing). Work with an ADHD expert who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar

Couples Support Group - (Full). Seven sessions. 5 couples only will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it.

Therapist Training & more - (Ongoing). For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.

Free Resources:

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