Heart to Heart

Tips for Thriving in your Marriage

“Happiness is not a one-size-all proposition.  You must define what it looks like for you and then make a conscious effort to access whatever gets you to your unique definition of joy…it’s up to you to start behaving your way to happiness.”

- Dr. Phil

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When I work with couples about creating joy and intimacy in their relationships one of the suggestions I have is that they create an “intentional relationship” with each other. By this I mean that they consider who it is they each wish themselves to be (not their partner, but themselves), where it is they wish to go as that person, and then start acting their way to that destination.  I was delighted when I saw Dr. Phil’s similar advice.

There are some things we most certainly do NOT control – our partner’s behavior being a prime example.  But we control much more than we often assume.  You may not be able to control whether or not your partner flips you the finger, for example, but you most certainly can control your response.  Will you flip back?  Will you stay angry for 5 days?  Will you calmly note his disrespect, and then talk with him later about your feelings when he’s not feeling so negative?

Our conscious decisions about how we respond to our partners – and how we seek joy – make a big difference in the course of our days.

© 2014 Melissa Orlov