Hyperfocus and Courtship

Heart to Heart

Tips for Thriving in your Marriage

“She carries on without a doubt
I wonder if she’s figured out
I’m crazy for this girl…”

- Evan and Jared

ADHD Marriage blog and forum

Dr. Hallowell's website

Sign up for announcements related to ADHD & Marriage

Melissa's Upcoming  Events

The singer of this song must not have ADHD!  If he did that girl would have NO DOUBT about his feelings!  You have not been courted until you’ve been courted by someone with courtship hyperfocus ADHD!

That hyperfocus is the result of the dopamine rush that infatuation brings.  We all get this rush, but there is a larger gap between “infatuated” and “normal behaviors” for someone with ADHD because normal state is “distracted.”  And chronic distraction feels like “my partner doesn’t love me” to a non-ADHD spouse.

If you have ADHD, schedule (literally) time to attend to your partner without any possible distractions (that includes no phones!!).  Good times are right before bed, weekends and date nights.  Clear your space and mind of everything but your partner.  Blocks of “attend time” will reassure your partner you still love her/him, even if you are often distracted.

© 2013 Melissa Orlov