It’s Mandatory

ADHD & Marriage News - June 14, 2017

Quote of the Week

“Pain is mandatory for all of us.  It’s what teaches us.  Suffering is what’s optional.  That’s what happens when we try to skip over the pain.”

- Glennon Doyle

It’s Mandatory

Pain is part of life.  In my own life, much of that pain (though certainly not all) has come from trying to figure out how to live with the unexpected hitchhiker in my relationship – ADHD.  At this point I’ve worked with a whole lot of couples doing the same thing and one thing is abundantly clear.  You cannot move away from suffering this pain unless you engage with it.  Confront the ADHD in yourself or your partner.  Accept that it’s there, and allow it to teach you.

What can that pain teach?  Compassion.  Love.  Understanding.  Resilience.  Your power to affect change in challenging circumstances.  That together you can be triumphant.

In order to move away from pain and stop suffering, you have to move all the way through the pain cycle, which has several steps.  Or, you can choose to avoid pain and disengage or retreat.  If you do this latter, you will continue in your suffering, for what’s causing the pain will likely not go away.  Even divorce, which can eliminate the issues a specific partner brings to the relationship, doesn’t fully address the pain.  I have yet to meet a person who wouldn’t have preferred to be happily married to a past partner instead of divorced.

Can you be brave enough to engage with your pain, and take the steps you yourself need to take to start to work through it?


Speaking of preferring to be happily married....  have you watched my video on couples who share their stories? They want you to know that you really can turn things around, even if you can’t imagine it now.  They were all struggling, just like you.  All wondering if they could actually make it....   

For those in marriages impacted by ADHD

You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at, including free:

- online treatment overview;

- downloadable chapters of my books;

- a community forum with other couples facing similar issues;

- a large number of blog posts on various topics;

- referrals

Plus my very popular couples course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This eight-session phone seminar has helped many couples turn their relationships around. The next live course begins in October, 2017.
If your relationship is in pretty good shape but you are looking to feel even closer, consider my self-study seminar Recovering Intimacy in Your Relationship.

Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. can literally change your life!  Question?  Contact Melissa.

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© 2017 Melissa Orlov