Heart to Heart

Tips for Thriving in your Marriage

“Our lives are characterized by moments.”

- Composer John Cage

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I was struck by this quote by John Cage because it so aptly describes his music.  But it also describes a way out of long-standing fighting between partners.  We sometimes get so stuck in thinking about how our partner has “always” done something that we dislike that we forget to notice or comment on the moment when our partner does something “right.”  As an example, I often hear from ADHD partners “I’ve been working really hard to change and have made some good progress – but my partner doesn’t notice it at all!”  This is demotivating, to say the least!

If you have a partner you know is working to change habits that have hurt your relationship, consider thinking of your interaction as a series of moments strung together.  When good moments come, make sure to recognize them as such.  It will make you feel good to do so, and make your partner feel noticed for the hard work he or she is putting in.

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© 2012 Melissa Orlov