“Rage not against yourself but against the culture that lied to you. Grieve not for your discrepancy from a fictitious “ideal” that is at best arbitrary and at worst an act of oppression and violence; grieve for the compassionate world you were born deserving…and did not get.” - Emily Nagoski
Though Nagoski was writing about how tragic it is that our culture has led so many women to hate their bodies and hide their desire, I find this quote equally relevant for those who have ADHD. In another time or culture – one in which efficiency was not quite so highly prized – we would be much better able to focus on the positives of ADHD. Characteristics such as:
The ability to think openly and creatively
Thinking fast on your feet
Energy and perseverance
Quick responses to danger
Yet somewhere, even though many exceptional entrepreneurs and thinkers may well have had ADHD, we have created an ‘ideal’ that more closely resembles that of a more organized partner. Is it because our lives are so hectic and we still believe we must, therefore, control them? (Talk about illusions!)
Just as it makes me angry that so many women have been led to dislike their bodies, so too does it anger me when I hear those who insist on focusing on the negative side of ADHD. ADHD may or may not be a ‘gift’ but every person who has ADHD has many positive qualities. Time and time again I see how families become happier when everyone is more compassionate about the difficulties of having…and living with…ADHD.
How might you be more compassionate?
Starting Tomorrow! Mindfulness Made Easy - a 4 week intro to mindfulness developed specifically for couples impacted by ADHD. The first session begins June 7th and is limited to 20 couples. Learn more here.
For those in marriages impacted by ADHD
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at adhdmarriage.com, including: a free online treatment overview; free downloadable chapters of my books; a community forum with other couples facing similar issues; a large number of blog posts on various topics; referrals; and my very popular couples course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Next live session starts October, 2016 - this eight-session phone seminar has helped many couples turn around their relationship.
Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life!