Emotional Machines

ADHD & Marriage News - November 16, 2022

Quote of the Week

“We believe we are ‘thinking machines’ that sometimes feel, but actually, we are ‘emotional machines’ who sometimes think.”

My therapist

Emotional Machines

I spend a lot of time thinking about relationships…too much time, according to the (excellent) therapist with whom I’m currently working.  Because sometimes the only way to get through pain is simply to FEEL, not think.

Moving through the emotions associated with relationship trauma is a messy process – pain, sadness, grief, regret, more pain…mixed with conviction, surprise, gratitude, joy…up and down and, sometimes, completely surprising.  It’s a roller coaster of extremes, but well worth riding.  I’ve found that if I experience these emotions in my body rather than just think about them, they can provide me with directions – ‘go here’ and ‘don’t keep doing that.’  ‘Find a new way to engage because the old one is too painful,’ etc etc.

Understanding one’s life (and ADHD’s role) is immensely important.  But just thinking and trying to understand doesn’t move you far enough.  Experience is the best teacher.  Put another way, a good cry can be cathartic…and leave you feeling empty.  And then the question becomes, what do you want to fill that emptiness with?  What feels right?  It’s a great question to ask.



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Resources For those in relationships impacted by ADHD


ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? My highly acclaimed 8-session Zoom seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next live session STARTS January 11, 2023.

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How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD

Downloadable chapters of my books;

A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;

A large number of blog posts on various topics;



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