“Hope is the thing with feathers that perches on the soul."
- Emily Dickinson
This, Too, Shall Pass
In my opinion, ‘hopeless’ is one of the saddest feelings we can have. And sometimes, when ADHD is in the picture, both ADHD and non-ADHD partners can go to this dark place. It usually has to do with the repetitive nature of the struggle. Perhaps you have ADHD and you’re working really hard to manage it, but struggling to make things stick. You wonder whether or not you’ll ever get things ‘well enough’ managed. Or you just can’t seem to get your partner to be more understanding.
Perhaps you don’t have ADHD, but are impacted by your partner’s ADHD. Hopelessness in that situation often comes from feeling that ADHD will always impact you, and in inconsistent ways that are hard to anticipate.
You both want the struggle to just stop, yet it seems as if it just pops back.
When I’m feeling that way (and I do, sometimes, so you aren’t alone) I try to walk away from the hopelessness and turn towards self care. I know that the hopelessness is temporary…and that I will feel relief the fastest if I don’t wallow in it. Thinking ‘this, too, shall pass’ helps me find hope again. And as it ‘perches on my soul’ I feel I am, once again, ready to take flight.
Next time you’re feeling hopeless, remind yourself that this feeling is fleeting, and seek out something that restores you. ADHD may be repetitive, and you may be faced with a similar feeling in the future, but as you heal they become shorter and much further in between.
Above, I offer advice for both partners. If you don’t have ADHD, hopelessness often comes from feeling that ADHD will always impact you, and in inconsistent ways that are hard to anticipate..... My Non-ADHD support group series begins June 17, 2019. Submit your topics & I'll choose 1-2 per week for in-depth exploration.
For those in marriages impacted by ADHD
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at adhdmarriage.com, including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals. Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life!
Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships.
Support Tele-groups - Be part of a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; and find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group.