“Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you think they should doesn’t mean they don’t love you with everything they have.”
-Mary O, from my writing class
This is a variation of something going around the internet, but the idea is a good one. It ties into my idea of giving your ‘best self’ to your relationship. None of us is perfect (by a long shot!) but we can try hard to contribute our ‘best selves’ to our relationship. And then, once you do – loving your partner with everything you have – it’s easier to see what sort of relationship you have. Or don’t have.
What happens if ‘everything you have’ isn’t good enough for your partner? My first response would be to talk to your partner about what you do offer, and how you do love them…and request that they consider the positives.
You might also seek counseling. Because if one partner – doing the absolute best they can - is ‘not enough’ for the other partner, then that may end your relationship. You may simply not be well matched. You may need a professional to see if the ‘you’re not enough’ statement is actually true.
How do you tell when you are giving ‘everything you have?’ I think each person knows inside themselves if that is the case. Have you genuinely engaged? Have you taken your partner’s concerns to heart and tried to respond in a loving way? Have you sought professional help?
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at adhdmarriage.com, including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals. Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life!
Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships.
Support Tele-groups - Be part of a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; and find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group.