“We all chose the wrong person – if we expect that person to make us happy all the time. However, if together we create moments of meaning, rituals of romance, and try to make some of our dreams come true, happiness is available."
- Cheryl Fraser, Ph.D.
I Chose the Wrong Person
Nope – my partner DEFINITELY shouldn’t be responsible for making ME happy. That’s my job. He plays a role, of course – I’m not happy if I don’t feel loved. But it’s my job to be loving and open to reciprocal love my husband sends my way. Still me in the lead on making my own happiness.
One way we create happiness together is with rituals of romance, sharing of dreams, making time together. For us, it’s making coffee for each other and eating many meals together (I cook, he cleans). We dream of, then take, adventurous vacations…bike rides…time to be with our kids. We have ‘date night’ whenever he returns from a long business trip in order to reconnect. We tell each other we love each other most every day, and are both grateful for where we are today.
You probably know from my history that it didn’t used to be this way…at all. We had no romantic rituals, didn’t even like each other (or ourselves) at times, and lost out ability to dream together.
If you’re where we used to be, take heart and start with something small. Tell your partner you love him or her (better yet, tell them you adore them, if it’s true.) Share what you’re grateful for. Do something small, but thoughtful, like make coffee, and deliver it with a kiss. I know of one couple in which the man puts his wife’s towel into the dryer to warm it up for her, then gives it to her as she gets out of the shower. Romantic, right?
These small indications of caring really add up. It’s how we started to repair, and got us onto a road of wondering – just wondering – if we couldn’t go even ‘bigger and better’ and start dreaming together again.
NEW! Monthly check-ins for past seminar participants .. Couples can ask advice from me and each other in these live call-ins. There will be half hour slots for which couples who have an issue they wish to discuss can register (opening consecutively) so that if they don't wish to listen to all of the call they don't need to, with a 4 couple limit per half-hour slot. Registration is for 6 months, STARTING AT 7:30pm EASTERN TIME. Starts June 4 - learn more.
For those in marriages impacted by ADHD
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at adhdmarriage.com, including free:
- Online treatment overview;
- Downloadable chapters of my books;
- A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
- A large number of blog posts on various topics;
Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. Starts September 25, 2018.