“Habits and rituals create a shared sense of closeness and identity, an oasis of “we” in the desert of “so much to do.”
- Clinical psychologist Cheryl Fraser
I talk with my clients about ‘attend time, which is time you spend with each other that clearly demonstrates your love for your partner. Habits and rituals can be a nice part of this. My husband and I have a very affectionate ongoing banter around my bringing him coffee in the morning – every morning that he is home and sometimes when we are traveling, as well. I hand him his coffee, and we tell each other we love each other. It’s a far better way to start each day than ignoring each other in the kitchen or complaining, I can tell you!
Other rituals that I’ve seen matter – holding a door open; making car or plane reservations for a partner whenever they are needed; walking the dogs together every morning to start the day and chat; sharing a cocktail before dinner…You get the idea.
What are your rituals that make you feel like a couple? If you don’t have one, or you think you might but aren’t sure your partner sees it the same way, consider making one official. Then celebrate it. This will only bring you closer.
Next LIVE ADHD Effect Seminar Begins March 28 - Take advantage of the timing - the next one won't be until the fall. Make this the best summer in years. Please register here. Questions? Contact me.
For those in marriages impacted by ADHD
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at adhdmarriage.com, including: a free online treatment overview; free downloadable chapters of my books; a community forum with other couples facing similar issues; a large number of blog posts on various topics; referrals; and my very popular couples course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This highly acclaimed, eight-session phone seminar has helped many couples turn around their relationship, starts March 28.