“All partnerships between people are mutually beneficial. They are all give and take. If they aren't give and take it's enslavement or war. I can't see any characteristics of the disorder ADHD that would render someone incapable of understanding the foundation of human relationships…"
Sometimes I hear ADHD people claim that they will never be a good partner because of their ADHD. This lack of hope and insight always saddens me, for the vast majority of adults with ADHD can manage that ADHD really well when they optimize their treatment. And then it becomes not about ADHD, but about partnership.
Parent/child dynamics can interfere in ADHD-impacted relationships making it impossible to be partners. But this isn’t about ADHD – it’s about ADHD AND responses to ADHD. It’s about misinterpretation of symptoms, and poor coping strategies being used by both partners. When full blown, parent/child interactions create both enslavement and war. Horrible!
Rebalancing the power in relationships is what getting rid of parenting and child-like behaviors is all about. ‘Parents’ learn to stop believing that ‘pushing’ and ‘dictating’ are the best way to get things done while ‘child-like’ ADHD partners stop giving up their autonomy and power to another…taking responsibility for being reliable enough in the relationship. It is then that partners can negotiate – on equal terms – the give and take of a genuine partnership.
If you’re experiencing parent/child dynamics, it’s time to figure out how to move beyond this enslavement. Consider taking my couples seminar, The ADHD Effect In-Depth, for help.
NEW! Monthly check-ins for past seminar participants .. Has it been a while since you took my course? Consider registering for my 6 month live check-in. Ask advice from me and other past participants. Signup for a specific time slot so you don't have to attend the whole call. STARTING AT 7:30pm EASTERN TIME, June 4 - learn more.
For those in marriages impacted by ADHD
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at adhdmarriage.com, including free:
- Online treatment overview;
- Downloadable chapters of my books;
- A community forum with other couples facing similar issues;
- A large number of blog posts on various topics;
Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next live session begins in September 2018.