“Operating with integrity matters. It will matter forever.”
Integrity. The word has two definitions:
The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles
The state of being whole and undivided
Yes. Exactly! Both.
When I work with couples, one of the things that I find most useful for them is the idea of aligning each partner’s behaviors with their values. Conflict in relationships tends to create values conundrums that we try, often without much success, to navigate. As two examples - how to be respectful or feel respected in a relationship with a partner who tries to control your actions? Or, how to be respectful or feel respected when your partner uses either escape or rage as a regular strategy?
The answer comes in aligning one’s own actions with one’s values. Becoming whole and undivided again. Adhering to one’s own moral principles. As an example, if you value respect, then you know that you must behave respectfully to your partner, regardless of input, and not tolerate disrespect, either. Perhaps you need to politely walk away from an angry partner. Or have a conversation about the importance of constructive input. Perhaps you need to take some deep breaths to calm yourself before speaking. Or write difficult information in an email as you know your partner will need time to process your words.
Integrity isn’t just about honesty. It’s about consistency and moral agency. While you can’t control your partner’s integrity, you can control your own.
Are there ways you could better align your own behavior with your values?
Resources For those in relationships impacted by ADHD
ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? My highly acclaimed 9-session Zoom seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next live seminar will be in Fall 2023. Dates will be posted in late August, '23.