“…That theory is: The world will get better when we show where things have gone wrong. A lot of what we do in our business (the media) is expose error, cover problems and identify conflict. The problem with this is that we leave people feeling disempowered and depressed…They are less mobilized to take action, not more.”
Creating Your Own Story
Your entire day – even life – can feel harder than it must, making it feel as if you must slog through your day.
Relationships can feel like that, particularly when if feels as if everything is ‘bad news.’ One of the things that helped me greatly was learning that I had some control over my own life’s story, no matter what my partner was up to. Just like in the news, some of that has to do with what you choose to notice and focus upon. For example, did I notice that my husband came to the bedroom on time and gave me a hug, or did I notice that he snored after he fell asleep? If I noticed both, upon which did I focus? If it was the snoring I might feel resentful. If it was the hug, I might feel comforted.
Over time I found that there was a lot of both good and bad happening in my relationship and that I could genuinely impact my own life by choosing to focus on the positive elements and notice them, while downplaying the negatives more than I might have in the past. The shift did wonders for improving my own story and my days.
If you want to do this, try a gratitude exercise. Grab a journal, and finish the sentence “I am grateful for…” three times each night before you go to bed. You might write about your relationship or something else. In so doing, you rewire your brain (over time), feel better immediately, probably sleep better (because you are calmer), and most importantly, start to exert control over your own story.
For those in marriages impacted by ADHD
You can find great resources for couples impacted by ADHD at adhdmarriage.com, including free: Online treatment overview; Downloadable chapters of my books; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals. Adult ADHD can have a huge impact on your relationship. ADHDmarriage.com can literally change your life!
Is your relationship in trouble? Consider my highly acclaimed couples' course: ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - This 8-session phone seminar has helped many couples thrive in healthier, happier relationships. The next live session begins October 2019.
Support Tele-groups - Be part of a community exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; and find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship: Non ADHD Partner Support Tele-group.